t h e t i d b i t s o f l i f e

dari jauh by nabil

2009-10-06T18:14:00.000+08:00

Tiada malam lena tidurku
hanya igauan mimpi yang pilu
kerna setiap kali ku pejamkan mata
ku hanya terlihat dirimu

mengapa aku masih menanti
harapan yang kian tidak pasti
walau ku sedar hakikatnya
kau takkan kembali di sisi

walau kau tidak perlukanku
aku tetap mendoakan kebahagianmu
tapi hanya satu yang ku pinta
izinkanku menyintaimu dari jauh

walau aku pernah menyatakan
yang ku telah lepaskan segala
hakikatnya hati kecilku masih menyinta
aku simpan saja perasaanku
menahan derita dalam rindu

::sangat best!::

i am back!

2009-09-26T15:28:00.002+08:00

the lil lady is now back. but i can't promise to update frequently as i'm still struggling with life and making myself stable.

but hey, my blog is now open to others. ending all the soal-jawab.

will update soon when i have the heart to write.

mwahss!

::comeback::

women and their super powers

2009-03-30T15:36:00.002+08:00

wonder why women always get fussy about simple things in relationship? the answer is, that's just what and how we are in relationships. we complaint, we demand, we make effortS, we struggle, we tolerate, that's how we survived.

women tend to get overreacted and paranoid from time to time. even though most of them might deny this, the reality is, they are what they said they aren't.

overreacted is something you can't help in women. they took almost everything up to a notch to where it almost become unnecessary to think about. yes, they lovveeee to do this. their panic attacks are something you'll never be able to keep track with. being worried, get panic, are things you don't have to tell a woman how to do it.

women in relationships tend to adapt this one new ability, being paranoid over unnecessary things. suke pikir bukan2. they are able to grow a simple small thing to something that you'll die if you don't resolve that. e.g picking up the colour of your couch for the living hall. (trust me, i've seen this in reality).

women can stand ignorance. BUT not in constant and long period of time. they can't tolerate this. it might be even worse for an attention-addict type. things have to be all about them all the time. being ignored leads women to payback and doing stupid things. so don't even think of trying to TEST them. seriously, you 'll never be preapred for the long term consequences.

once in a blue moon, women tend to be a bit ngade2 without reason. ngade2 as in PURPOSELY cari pasal nak gaduh just to get the guy's attention.

women do tolerate, most of the time. on certain issues. only.

::i.am.NOT.complaining.on.anything::

K.U.S.U.T

2009-03-30T15:17:00.003+08:00

the ONLY thing i should think about for the rest of this week is my final TEACHING OBSERVATION.

stop worrying about unnecessary things, stop thinking about how to kusutkan my own mind, stop everything UN-productive.

and stop promising so many people that i will go n watch shopaholic with them because i don't think i could. soooooo super serabut ok.

ezzaira, if u're reading this, i need to talk to u. please fit me in your super duper busy schedule.
notice the word PLEASE? i never used that with u. (yeke?) so pleaseeee.....

*gggrrrrrrr* why do la my best friend have to be miles away when i needed him to be accessible at the moment. gosh. kusut!

::i am not being unreasonable, so stop saying that i am::

crave-ness

2009-03-18T13:23:00.003+08:00

to those around me, especially eiy, might call me pathetic for having this craving. hihihihi...

I AM CRAVING FOR THIS :

and if you wonder why i'm calling myself pathetic, it is because, for the past 3 weeks, boleh dikatakan almost everyday i was lepak-ing at uncle k, and the secret recipe outlet is just next to it and i can practically wave the waiter to bring me a piece of this.. hehehehehe.. told ya, i am pathetic.

too bad dah tak bleh ajak eiy to accompany me to fulfill my craveness for this. tertekan tgk die makan skang. hahahahaha...

babe, abg starbucks dah nk berenti keje.... nanti kite g lepak sane eh... winduu!!!!!!

::makan, makan, makan::

anuar zain feat. fatin sherrina

2009-03-16T14:41:00.000+08:00

dalam video ni terselit kesayanganku si baby fatin. hahahahaha....

::hanya milikmu::

i love her hair and i definitely hate mine..

2009-02-25T16:57:00.002+08:00

just look at her hair............. sangat G.E.R.A.M ok. too bad i am bounded not to do anything with my hair due to ethics bla bla bla. grrrr.....

i'm so sorry for leaving my blog unattendded for so long. i'm just too fucked up with other things lately and my life is pretty much a haywire.

i sincerely apologize for the silence.

thank u.

::bizzybee::

facing the fear with aching feet n heart..

2009-01-12T16:43:00.005+08:00

1st day at school :

my feet is aching. damn la... the weird thing is i can go shopping for one whole day in wedges and heels unpainfully but couldn't survive the 6 hours of school in my black flat pumps. shit ok.

at the moment, i'm just gonna stare at my elegant dark grey vincci pump heels because i'm so gonna find a way to wear that gorgeous pair one day. i don't care.

i'm still freaking out, the panic is still there, the pressure to impressed is so hard to handle.

and people is making me frustrated day by day.

to these people who wished me tonnes of lucks n good day, yang bangun subuh2 to text me, thanks a lot. your wishes gave me the courage to face today.

# ayah and mak. (ayah punye kate2 semangat sikit punye panjang sampai menangis aku baca)
# kakngah syahrezad
# ina amoi
# catt meow meow
# si sepet, ezzaira
# si bulat, nabilah husna
# si bahu longgar, cindai
# mat smart starbucks, tabla
# si demam sampai takleh bangun, bapak
# nur diyana
# meh

itu saje. sekian. tak payah cari nama alip, mmg tak ade dalam tu. terima kasih dari hujung cekak rambut sampai la ke hujung kasut aku yang macam gampang ni k.

::panik, panik, panik::

i need to feel alive!

2009-01-07T18:01:00.002+08:00

last night lepak kt lounge concorde with my uncle, auntie n the cousins + cousin-in-law-to-be. tengok band baru main, my auntie cakap guitarist nye best, so kitorg pun nak check it out la.. since dah agak lama tak pegi. one thing for sure, mamat tu mmg sgtla cute nye. muke mmg takde perasaan, selamba gile sampaikan auntie ku memanggilnye 'slumberland'. hahahaha.

bile dah dok kat situ kan, tetibe hatiku membuak2 nak pegi hard rock, nak enjoy live band. macam dolu2.. aku pandang kakngah, kakngah pandang aku. damn! memang nak kena pegi soon.. dah lame siot tahan... kopak ke, kering ke, aku nak gi gak. kakngah, jom!

tak enjoy live band, tak pegi jamming, tu yang membuatkan aku sangap sgt. dulu dah biase balik kul 3, 4 pagi pastu kul 9 bangun kemas umah segala. tapi sebab dah agak lama tinggalkan life itu, time new year ari tu, terasa sangat2 effect tak cukup tido. siap nak demam la ape la.. manja nak mampus body cycle aku skang. even kakngah pun say the same.

kepada sahabat2 semsas ku, bile mau karok lagi? hehehehe... seronok kan karok malam tu? badan aku mmg bau sampoerna abis. sial jek. tapi takpe, still ade org mtk cium lagi. haha..

looking forward for the reunion dinner fellas!

::tak payah pikir bole tak?::

m.i.s.s.e.d

2009-01-05T16:39:00.004+08:00

all of sudden, i missed lepaking....

s.h.i.t

i was forbidden to remember, terrified to forget all the memories.

it was a hard line to walk.

lagu kita

2009-01-05T15:43:00.005+08:00

INSTRUCTIONS :
a. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
b. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
c. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN, NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
d. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
e. Put this on your blog.

1. If someone says, "Is this okay?"
red is the new black-avenged sevenfold (menjawab soalan tak?)

2. How would you describe yourself?
kekasih yang tak dianggap-kertas (hahahaha, memang BENAR!)

3.What do you like in a guy/girl?
geek in the pink-jason mraz (sbnarnye aku off sikit ngan laki yg suke pkai baju pink)

4. How do you feel today?
like a star-corinne bailey rae (not so much la..)

5. What is your life's purpose?
miss independent-ne yo (bole la kot...)

6. What is your motto?
not ready to make nice-dixie chicks (utk minggu ini bole pakai la kot..)

7. What do your friends think of you?
thunder-boys like girls (ekk??)

8. What do you think of your parents?
everything-michael buble (yes, they're my everything..)

9. What do you think about very often?
kekasih gelapku-ungu (alamak, kantoi la pulak...)

10. What is 2+2?
all or nothing-o town (aku mmg bodo math)

11. What do you think of your best friends?
you and me-plain white t's (sangatla betul....)

12. What do you think of the person you like?
cinta ini membunuhku-d'masiv (omg, gile accurate..)

13. What is your life?
freakshow-pop shuvit (hahahahaha...)

14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
lucky-jason mraz & colbie caillat (agak2 menjawab soalan tak?)

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
aku milikmu-dewa 19 (BERANGAN je la noq!!!!)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
iris-goo goo dolls (eh,eh, same ngan avril plak.. hehe..)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
menghitung hari-kris dayanti (dey, funeral bace yassin la.....)

18. What is your hobby/interest?
doing that thing you do-the wonders (sounds just like me)

19. What is your biggest fear?
womanizer-britney spears (aku tak tahan nak gelak guling2 ok..)

20. What is your biggest secret?
you'll be safe here-rivermaya (still safe...still safe..)

21. What do you think of your friends?
burnin' up-jonas brothers (yup, they're sizzling hot!)

22. What will you post this as?
lagu kita-aizat (bole la....)

i'm going to tag :

1. sis anna
2. catt meow meow
3. farah sherr
4. aida cullen
5. junne-dek

::i've been tagged by baby sherrina::

painfully adapting to reality..

2008-12-30T16:44:00.002+08:00

what exactly was i waiting for?

bulan jatuh ke riba maybe..

so to say, at this moment, i am :

expecting the impossible.

hoping for things that might not happen.

waiting for NOTHING. no-thing...

and i should really stop.

trust me, i am trying my best to ignore.

EVERYTHING. every, single, thing.

the thoughts, the feelings, the mind-blowing charms, and etc...

wish me luck.

::e.m.p.t.y::

bile huruf M melekat di dahi..

2008-12-22T15:26:00.003+08:00

tengah malas sangat2 nak update blog ni.

biarlah bersarang sebentar.

sangat rindu my parents.

nak balik melepek di rumah!!!

makan sangat banyak.

jogging takde langsung.

ape nak jadi nih???

::ting-tong::

i wish edward can help me read your mind

2008-12-06T18:36:00.000+08:00

seriously, this is killing me. not knowing what your thoughts are, what explanation could you possibly holding back from me (if there is one), what was you expecting from what had happened and etc. ok, now i sound too serious. let me rephrase it, i just hate the IGNORANCE. it made my thoughts go all haywire thinking about the worse of the worst thing that could happen. if you decided to hate me, at least tell me. so i can erase the unnecessary crap in my mind and move on. if you think i'm cheap, tell it to my face, that would made me feeel better even though it hurts. at least i know what you're thinking. if you think i don't give a damn about what had happened, you're wrong. i'm wondering like hell of what you purposes are. i can't stop twirling my mind thinking about where does this gonna lead us. but when you're being mr ignorant, i think i got my answers. but still, i need you to say it out loud so that i can face the reality.

i know there's no way you might be reading this and even if you do, i doubt you know it's about you. i just don't know how long i can hold myself from crossing into the pathetic zone. the zone might be a familiar place for me, but when it comes to you, i just don't want to be there. just thinking about you bring tingles all over my body. and fyi, my mind doesn't seem to cooperate to the order of blocking thoughts about you. which makes it harder to stay sane. but i'm trying. so hard. harder than before. i'm just gonna wait until you emerged from the deep. and i hope by that moment, you've got all this figured out.

if you decided to leave it hanging, let's do it your way.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

on second thought, if you ever decide to leave ME hanging without any explanation,

IT'S BETTER IF YOU KILL ME INSTEAD.

::i.am.not.pushing.you.to.anything::

the drugs called edward, macchiatto and him

2008-12-05T17:03:00.000+08:00

i was about to leave starbucks when i received a text from aida-belle. well, she's practically screaming in that message telling me about twilight and edward. and i was like 'o-m-g, ade orang dah berjangkit penyakit aku!'... hahahaha... we chain-text about edward for almost an hour or so before i crush my bed. if tak sebab aku nak tido, maunye melalut sampai pukul 3, 4 pagi kot.

so, now i have a friend to go gile2 about edward and the cullens. yeay! can't wait till you read the books babe! haa..... seronoknye!!!!!

that's about aida and edward.

about him,

he's being mr ignorant now.

nothing much i could do except menerima dgn hati terbuka and wait for his mood to swing again.

last night, while i was in the car chit-chatting with eiy, chin n bapak, one of them suddenly ask me,

"kau sekarang couple dgn alip ke?"

astaga......... dah 10 tahun dah, korang tak penah penat eh tanya aku soalan yang sama?? penat dowh nak jawab. aku just cakap,

"susah sangat eh korang nak terima yang aku ngan alip tu best fren je?"

for God sake la kan, he's planning on marrying a wonderful girl who obviously wasn't me. aiyaaa..

enuff with the high school minded la people.

malas nak layan pun ade jugak..

aku nak pegi layan kerinduan aku lagi bagus..

::rindu!::

tido tak lena, maka makan pun tak kenyang..

2008-12-03T15:49:00.001+08:00

have you ever see a person who sleeps in the library for 3 hours solid and woke up looking like she's just got bitten by a vampire? aha, you guessed right, i am that person today. i entered the library, pick two books (konon2nye study la), find a table with people i know, and puffs! i'm in neverland. and after 3 hours, i woke up just 10 minutes shy before my 2 o'clock started. the first thing a friend said to me was

"you look like crap.."

i know. and i couldn't care less. as i was about to stand up, i almost fell back onto my chair. dizzy la wei, 3 hours tido macam tu. geleng kepala kawan aku k..

"kau ni kenape? are you high on something?"

"yeah, a drug called love. ever heard of it?"

and she gave me this look as i gathered my books "crazy la you.."

"stupid would be more appropriate in my case."

yesterday, i went to klcc to meet june and we have lunch with alip. as usual, a day with june mean just me and her, bergossip over coffee at starbucks for hours. sharing things we won't share with others. (sesungguhnye babe, guard my secret with your life ok). and we had a blast! minus the stupid fake abang ralph lauren yang bangang tahap super itu. after june took off i was planning to wait for bestie n balik sekali. all of sudden kakngah plak texted ajak pegi midvalley. time aku dah bersesak cam org tak bertamadun nak naik lrt, tetibe die cakap tak jadi la pulak. disebabkan dah beratur, naik je la.. balik terus.

pastu satu malam tak tido. memangla bangun pagi kepala macam gampang kan. mandi pun ala2 kadar je. being me, bile tido tak cukup, makan pun mule la tak betul. lapar gile tapi bile makan tak habis pun. aku dah berjangkit penyakit nabilah plak. ish la.. da la dah lame tak jog, makin tak betul cycle idup aku ni. ni karang amoi plak ajak pegi teman bayar credit card. [byr cdt card di damansara ye..sekian]. malam ni mmg aku terbongkang!

pastu plak kan, susah kawan ngan org split personality ni, kite plak yg nak kena buat2 paham dgn 'kekurangan' die tu. aku dah membebel yg bukan2. sekian.

pastu best fren aku pulak sejak balik ni asek dok cite pasal kawin. aku pn layan je la.. sambil tumpang mengarut2 skali..

june, i kerinduan!! hahahaha...

::ooops! i did it again::

my review on twilight the movie

2008-11-29T16:26:00.002+08:00

first and foremost, i would like to stress here that TWILIGHT is a movie made for teens. not for grown up adults. so don't whine that the movie is too cheesy, shitty or whatsoever because teenagers are enjoying this type of movie. even the TWILIGHT book is classified under 'Teen fiction'. wasn't it obvious enough? don't expect horror when it comes to this vampire. they're vegetarians.

so the movie is out last thursday, so, as expected, i went to see it that thursday jugak. haha.

Twilight is like a twist of romeo n juliet, in terms of the forbidden love.

as a loyal, obsessive, pathetic reader of the Twilight Saga [twilight, new moon, eclipse & breaking dawn], i'd say they portrayed each character and storyline very well when it seems impossible to cramp a 500 pages book into a 2 hour movie. of course things are more detailed in the book but the director manage to transform a magnificent book into motion very well.

the lines are exactly like the book, so u can see me whispering the next line even before bella or edward say it. hehe. the hair sniffing in the lab (because she knew she smells like strawberries), the mouth covering, they're just how we (the readers) imagined it. the only differences are bella didn't cook in the movie as she was in the book, and the first time they touch is in the lab while doing the phase of mitosis lesson not in the car back from port angeles. speaking of car, the so called silver Volvo is SUPERB! hahahaha. i love that. because i've read the book first before i see the movie, i don't go all 'ahhss', 'uuuuu', 'wowww', like the others when they first see edward's skin glowing like shattered diamonds when exposed to the sun. i love the meadow though. hehe.

when edward muttered "you are my life now", i was supposed to be a reply to bella's "i love you", but they missed the i love you part.

one thing for sure, tgk movie ni rase tak puas. i felt like i was just shifting my seat and the movie is almost ended already. clearly i wasn't moving around much. (mesmerized by the cullens, hehehe).

to all edward & bella crazy fans, i'll spill one thing for you, he's gonna make her a vampire too in the end. like it or not, deal with it. *grin*

they say it's gonna be the next harry porter. but i don't how they're gonna make new moon because it's too depressing (even to be read).

well, people, let me know if you're going to watch twilight. consult me for the missing pieces ya! hehehe....

::edward.bella.emmet.rosalie.jasper.alice::

the book or the movie?

2008-11-24T01:43:00.002+08:00

well, i've been reading the twilight saga for quite a while. so when i heard that it's gonna be a major motion picture, of course i'm excited. i just hope the movie is good enough because the book is magnificent. i enjoy reading, i had my fair share of books. i shop for books as often as i shop for clothes n shoes. so, when one of my favorite book is going to be turn into a movie, it better be a good movie. plus, it's edward cullen they adapting, something that seem impossible to me then. but now that i watched the trailer, i have a good feeling about this. the other day my sister was asking who would play edward cullen as she failed to think of any actor who would be as beautiful as edward is. so i said,

"they woke someone from the dead, someone who's apparently used to be a wizard."

"someone i know?"

"cedric diggory."

"O-M-G......takkanla kot...."

"mmg die. wayyy out of my prediction"

i do have a few cast list that i picture will play the vampires, and the humans too of course.

i always feel that hayden christensen will be best as edward, toby hemingway can be carlisle, rose mcgowan as esme, amy adams as rosalie, samaire armstrong as alice, and last but not least, christina ricci as bella swan. hahahahaha.

but, i'm pretty happy when i see the real cast, they resemble each character very well. so, let's see if the director can impress me.

noted : i prefer to watch this movie alone, or with someone who actually read the book and have the same passion for the saga like me.

but being me, i'll change my mind at the very last minute. tapi korg jangan main2, aku tgk batman sorg2, tgk james bond pn sorg2 sebab menyampah pegi dgn org yg tak tau ape. yela, nak g tgk dark knight, bile aku tnye batman begins dah tgk blum, belum. nak g tgk quantum of solace, tapi seumur idup tak penah tgk james bond, not even casino royale. mekaseh je la. baik aku g tgk sorg dr bazir mase aku meng-explain the movie kt org2 mcam ni.

tapi kalau 'die' nak ikut takpe kot.. hehe.

::cepatla ari khamis...::

g.e.d.e.b.e

2008-11-24T01:14:00.001+08:00

this morning, i had sooo much to write about. but as soon as i clicked the link to farah's blog, all the thoughts about what to write flew away. and all of sudden my cheeks are wet with tears. [aku kalau bab menangis memang hebat]. tenkiu for making me cry over gedebe after so long ye cik farah.

i miss the moments, i miss the merepek-ness, i miss the fun, i miss THEM. rindu nak makan megi ramai2, rindu nak bgun sahur pukul 4 pagi makan nasi goreng ili masak dlm rice cooker yg dibawa secara illegal, rindu kegelabahan menyorokkan rice cooker ketika ade spot check, rindu nak benci budak2 dorm sebelah yg berlagak poyo. nak continue ape yang farah cerita memang tak termampu la kot dlm keadaan mate berair ni, tapi aku cuba sedaya upaya.

1. aku rase yg kite makan 8 org skali tu bukan ruski tapi bihun sup PAMA.

2. aku ingat lagi farah penah majuk sampai angkut2 tilam pindah cube. emo gile minah ni. rasenye mase tu it's something about us againts her ex bf kot.

3. aku bangun kul 5.30 pagi, mandi siap2 then semayang subuh, kemas katil n tdo balik. hahahaha. seronok! tapi time dinosaur bangun nak g mandi mmg aku terjaga la kan, siap gegar lagik.

4. pastu time budak2 nasyid praktis kat bilik belakang siang2, ramaila yg sebok nak jemur kain la, angkat kain la.. aku ngan catt tgk je kat tingkap. haha. sbb aku lebih prefer puak2 eligible cam dak2 unikl. [after all this years, i feel sooo stupid about this]

5. pantang ade keramaian, tak payahla cari gedebe kat dorm, mmg kitorg kat luar melantak char kuay teow, burger, nasi lemak ataupun duduk kat meja tu cuci mate.

6. aku mmg suke pnjam baju catt, sebab baju kurung die sume lawa2, n aku terasa comel bile memakainye. hehehe..

7. aku mmg suke cakap kuat2, so kalau org dlm dorm tu kalau tak dgr sore aku means aku tdo la tu..

8. AKU PALING PANTANG ORANG LANDING BONTOT ATAS KATIL AKU TIME KATIL TU TGH TEGANG GILE BABI.

9. farah suke jemur undies die dalam dorm.

10. kalau mummy or mama bawak stok makanan, tak payahla harap la nk tahan lame, sekelip mate je ok.

11. ili penah tahan bas pkai kaki sbb nak tayang sneakers baru biru hijau die.

hidung aku dah tersumbat dah ni dok nanges, tak tersambung dah...

::bila rindu....lalalalala::

perfume idaman

2008-11-18T17:22:00.000+08:00

HUGO femme

ade tak sesape nak belikan saye ni?

please,please,please.......

i found a good bargain on the net,

EDP 75ml for only RM140.

please, belikan, belikan..

takpun kasik loan la..

hehehehehe..

[tak sedar diri hutang eiy tak bayar lg]

::NAK sangat2::

yippey ya yo yeay!

2008-11-18T16:53:00.000+08:00

just IM-ed with my bestie and he told me he's coming back at the end of this month. YEAY! and he's gonna be home until mid february. hohohohohoho... i'm gonna be sooooooooooo ngade-ngade for the next 3 months k! heh, double YEAY! cakap la ape2 pun, aku tak kire. screw you. at the mo sangat la excited nye rase cam nak lompat2 je tapi cam poyo pulak.. lek2, chill ok. bile dgr news macam ni, rase macam sume problem fade away. i'll see you soon pie!!

so far, hal kolej dah settle, i promise i'll be better next time. so rase lega la sikit. crossing my fingers for january. hope everything goes smoothly. *fuhfuh*

hal hati dan perasaan masih dam dam dum. trying my best to stay sane and not to put hopes up in the sky. biarlah si luncai dgn labu-labunye.

hal perempuan ****** dgn bfnye belum settle lagi. ish, belum cukup kekuatan la..

my grandma is getting better. fyi, she had a stroke about a week ago so i have to rush back home immediately. the moment i got the phone call terus lembik lutut and everything. [time naik bas nak balik tu, air mate mencuras-curas lagi k. dah tak peduli what others might think.]. by the time i got home, she was already discharge from the hospital. this's a very dark and intense moment for me. i was literally disconnected from others. all i think about is the family. nothing could took my interest more. perasaan tu terbawa2 till today di mana jika anda bertanya mende remeh temeh tu mmg takkan dilayan la.

basically, too many things happened. and i apologize if i don't share much with people lately. isolation is the best at the moment. but i'm still socially available. let's just say i'm in denial stage. you won't see the depression in me unless i let you in. but please, don't feel like you're oblige to care, because you don't. seriously, sympathy is the last thing i need in my pathetic life. i'm fine the way i am.

and ampun la bnyak2 sebab too long leave my blog unattended. bnyak sgt problem, tak terasa macam nak write anything.

::soon, be patient::

seeking strength..

2008-10-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

the entire last week, i spent my time with my semsasians friends.i almost crashed to the ground, so i seek help from them to regain my strength. and today, i feel better.

coffee with eiy, chin n tabla.
starbucks section 9, shah alam

nampak tak plastic bags kt blakang tu?

me and my macchiato

lollipop!

camwhoring!

the 4 of us

dinner with eiy [plus teman-ed her potong rambut}
L'oreal section 9, old town white coffee section 9

makan!!

a day out with nabilah
berjaya times square, kl

tggu cik bella try seluar

cincin baru.. [eiy jeles]

camwhoring!

macam biase, minah ni makan tak abis. die tgh main2 ngan nasik tu

and i'm bloated!

at the end of the week, i went home to my parents'. then balik umah mak tok plak. yg tu cite later.

there's one thing i would like to stress here, NEWS TRAVEL FAST. period.

::makansutra::

jiwa kacau

2008-10-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

baru je balik jumpe eiy n tabla.

tapi rase macam nak kuar balik, jumpe diorang balik, and lepak2 bercerita.

dah meluah ape yang terbuku di hati kat eiy, tapi hati still tak lega.

sebab eiy pun tak tau ape nak kate.

ok, enuff pasal skandalisme.

yang penting hatiku puas dapat jumpe diorg dan bergelak ketawa over a cup of my favorite caramel macchiato. biasela me and starbucks coffee, mane penah cukup.

i got a piece of advice from my dear bonita, that really knocked me back to reality. now i realized that he's not worth my wait, my effort, or me. so i decided to give up. and bear with me because i'm gonna be sooooooooooooo MISERABLE soon. don't say i don't warn you.

ok, now, i desperately need a hug. waaaaaa...........

::rase cam nak baring atas riba mak aku n nangis..::

kenapela die tak penah blaja dari kesilapan?

2008-10-15T18:39:00.000+08:00

selepas kejadian semalam, aku makin tak paham ape yang perempuan tu cari dalam sesebuah relationship. dah ade boyfriend, tapi aku tgk, layanan die terhadap mamat skandal die tu lagi UP dari die layan bf die. kadang2 aku kesian gak kat bf die tu. tapi tu diorg punye relationship, aku ni kawan je. yang jadi tak sedap nye, aku pun macam bersubahat sekali dalam permainan cinta die ni. aku tak paham la, kalau la die ngan bf die tu long distance takpela jugak, aku paham la die lonely. tapi si bf tu duduk sekangkang kera je. kalau jerit memang boleh dengar la.

andai kate la, die dengan mamat skandal tu memang loving habis, die patut let go je bf die n go on dgn mamat skandal tu. tapi aku tau, kalau die official dengan mamat skandal ni pulak, die akan pasang skandal lain pulak. when it comes to her, tak pernah cukup2. sentiasa nak pasang lebih dari satu. lepas tu, bile ade lelaki baik yang boleh dibuat calon suami muncul and blah macam tu je dari hidup die, tau la pulak nak sedih. pada aku la, selagi die buat perangai macam ni, memang takkan ade la yang cukup baik untuk die.

bukan lah takleh nak skandal, bak kate nabilah, 'skandal itu penting'. tapi.... berpada2 lah.. masalahnye dalam cerita perempuan ni, skandal tu yang macam bf die, bf die tu tak special pun pade die. itu yang buatkan aku tak paham sangat tu..

perkataan i love you tu memang dah tak special lagi pada die, sebab aku tgk kat sume laki die cakap. dah tak meaningful lagi.

perlu ke macam ni ha? bile tengok die lovey-dovey ngan mamat skandal tu, memang wat darah aku naik sampai kat kepala. nak je aku tunjal kepale die n cakap, kau tu dah ade bf la mangkuk!"

::tersepit::

seducing mr perfect

2008-10-10T12:00:00.000+08:00

i woke up early today. 7.30am.. i have to make sure i'm done with the house chores before the clock strikes to 9.45am. hehehe.. because seducing mr perfect starts at 945. it's not like i haven't seen the movie, it might be the 10th time i watched it today. and to those who know me well, you should know i'm not a big fan of korean films or dramas. but this particular movie really got me glued to the couch.

i've known about daniel henney long ago.. i saw his face on the biotherm ad. well, he's cute. but i'm not interested in his cuteness until i heard his voice for the first time in seducing mr perfect. bile dengar die cakap, rase macam terbang di awangan. do u get what i mean? macam mase mule2 dengar awal ashaari bercakap. emm, kurang sket kot. more to mase first time dgr azwin andy cakap. the difference is, daniel henney speaks in fluent english with such an attitude! hurmm tu yang best tu.. he's from a english-korean parentage if i'm not mistaken. tapi sepatah haram korea pun die tak reti cakap because he was born and raised in the states and his mother don't speak korean at all. that's what i heard la. i don't actually google-d him, YET.

and dengar cite he will be in the wolverine movie. can't wait for that.

i was lying on the couch laughing at the sillyness of the female lead character in seducing mr perfect when my lil sis called. and i'm still giggling the moment i picked up the phone.

"ape yang klakar sgt ni?"

"i'm watching daniel henney la.."

"AGAIN?? (she was literally screaming). patutla bangun awal."

well, sisters knows best.

i'm going back to s.alam later this evening, but my stuffs are still unpacked. can you sense how malas i am to leave my hometown? grrr...

at the mo, i'm trying to tell myself to bank-in all my duit raya into my account and give the ATM card to my mum rather than spend it to shop like a mad girl. it's sooo hard you know.. i don't get that much cash everyday. so, it's kind of 'nafsu-shopping-ku-bergelodak'. wish me luck people!

i'm going back to my jogging routine starting next monday (right after i indulge on kak anna's chocolate cake). can't help but to wonder will my 'mr stalker' be there and suprise me. again. *grin*

gotta go pack!

::go with the flow::

kate walsh's new haircut

2008-10-09T13:18:00.001+08:00

she premiered her new hairstyle at the 60th emmy awards last month. well, i cut my hair before the awards. so, my hair has nothing to do with hers. but i love her new hair! she looks fresh..

i know i promise daniel henney, but i was google-ing about the emmy when i found this pic.

was thinking to add some color to my hair. ok tak?

later!

::lapar.................::

salam aidilfitri

2008-10-07T21:25:00.000+08:00

selamat hari raya!!! i guess it's not too late to wish everyone. sorry i've been MIA for a while. couldn't be bothered to write anything lately.

well, my raya was fine. nothing so extravagant about it. we don't even go back to banting this year. i miss the food!! i miss the fatigue feeling after 3 whole days of raya-ing to the relatives houses, i miss everything! this year the banting's family gathering was held at my house, in temerloh. amazing huh? my dad was the happiest man on earth when everyone came. yeay! i'm happy too. i got to see the kiddos, i miss them so much! gosh, they were soooo nakal ok... naik pening kepala.. they were so hyper, main kejar2 and whatsoever lah.. nasib baik tak pandai mintak duit raya lagi.. if not, mati aku..

me.my brother.my sister

the most kelakar part is when kak d is about to leave, mr president called her and hand her a packet of duit raya, "nah, utk anna pnye anak". aku kat belakang dah pelik, bile pulak kak anna aku beranak nih?? kak d lagi la pelik. last2 kitorg sume gelakkan die. hampeh pnye abang... aku pun menambah, "kak anna tu anak kucing banyak la, kalau nak bg angpau, tak cukup la sekeping je". hahahaha.....

me and kak d kat depan umah

did i mention my best friend called all the way from new zealand on pagi raya? just to wish me selamat hari raya and ask me about *toottt*. hampeh punye kawan..

and.......... i cut my hair. hehe. and i did a hair relaxing treatment. and no one notice, which is a good thing because i don't want it to be too obvious. except for him! he was the only one who notice it on a first look without me mentioning it. you have no idea how a simple statement had made my day. or should i say week. because i can't stop smiling until today.. *grin* masih terbayang2 muke die time cakap tu. [pergh, kalau bestie aku bace ni mampus!]

i've been eating a lot this raya. i need to start exercise back a.s.a.p! this is me at ZARA dressing room, a week before puasa.

and till today, i'm too afraid to step on a weightscale for i might be crying if i gain a kilo, let alone 2 or 3 kilos! waaaaaa...... forget it. i'll face the reality next week.

well, i haven't seen KAMI, still waiting for him....

i'm off now, nak pegi tgk csi : ny. next post, i'll blog about daniel henney. hihihi...

::seducing mr perfect::

the sweet-dolly leighton

2008-09-14T15:02:00.000+08:00

admit la, you got to love this lady. because i do. i love her style, i love her hair, i love everything about her. well, michelle trachtenberg is my choice of hot babe on gossip girl, but i love leighton onset and off gossip girl. *grin*. plus, she's dating one of the covenant. envy her? you should.

love the way she pulled this off!

and now i heard that john patrick amedori (never heard of him) will play the role of aaron rose in gossip girl, i always picture josh henderson to play the role of aaron. he'll be great as blair's stepbrother and serena's love interest. betul tak? never mind la, let's just wait for season 2.

sebenarnye aku malas nak blogging, so post pictures je la.. better la daripada sahabatku yg post gambar kek kt blog die di bulan2 pose nih..

::i'm still in love with nate::

bile anak dara & bini org tak pose same2..

2008-09-11T12:32:00.000+08:00

di kala tgh ari yg indah ini, aku sedang meng-facebooking kan diri ketika tetibe henpon pink ku berbunyi suara wall-e menandakan ade message masuk. terbeliak mate aku tgk si farah sherrina antar gambar nasik berlauk asam pedas! haram...... dah la tak pose, ajak aku makan skali... baru pkul 12 plak tu.. perut aku dah nyanyi2 lagu estranged dah nih...

teringat kisah malam tadi ketika 2 orang kakakku yg hampeh and tak pose jugak merancang untuk bersama2 memasak nasik lauk sadin untuk hidangan TENGAH ARI a.k.a LUNCH di hari minggu ini [ketika sume org ade di umah]. depan2 aku plak tu cite. memang sakit jiwa.. yg anak dara ke, yg bini org ke, same je naiknye.. waaaaa... nak lauk sadin!!!!

jap lagi petang siapla, sampai kat bazar stadium tu, mmg mate aku bersinar2.. sume nak makan.. pastu malam terlentang... macam semalam. haha. coke mcd to the rescue!! brownies+ice cream la pnye pasal.

yg penting esok balik! yeay! makan masakan ibunda.. mmg yum & up kan lagi berat aku.. buatnye tibe2 tok tau aku balik, lagi la mampus.. sume benda dimasaknye. terbalik aku nk makan nnti. sebenarnye aku rilek je pasal nak balik esok ni.. tapi yg excitednye ayahandaku la..
dah 2 minggu tak jumpa anak2 die. hehe..

kepada :

- sahabat2 SEMSAS
- sahabat2 TESL
- and sahabat2 matrix

yg nak berbuka puasa bersama, silalah textkan invitation anda. sebabnye aku mmg malas nak organise ape2 dah. TERlalu bnnyak 'history' yg aku malas nk ulang.

selamat berbuka kepada semua..

::nak makan ape eh ari ni?::

KAMI, finally!!

2008-09-08T15:14:00.000+08:00

have been waiting for this movie for ages. gile lama! finally it's about to be released. ironically, on hari raya pertama. grrr....

if you are a loyal reader of my blog, you'll know i already have a date for this movie.

apparently, i doubt if he still remember his promise. because he already forget that this KAMI thing is the reason why we become close in the first place.

how do i know that he already lupe? because few weeks back, he asked me "how did we became close eh? tak ingat la.."

heartbreakingly, i answered, "ntah, i can't remember either"

and now, i'm hesitated. should i remind him about this or just to let it go?

takpela, bagi mase utk diri sendiri berfikir.

back to KAMI, why i love this series/movie so much?

first : the cerita is sangat cool... memang hype abis.
second : sebab aku pengikut setia liyana jasmay sejak dari die kanak2 lagi. [first time tgk die mase die berlakon jadi ank rosyam nor dlm drama 'najwa']
third : sebab mr dj. hehe...
fourth : SANGAT suke wardrobe utk series/movie ni...

so, i can't wait to see how the movie do in theaters. and i don't care what the reviews said, i still want to go see it.

p/s : as you can see, i am sooo malas to blog lately, don't even ask why, i'll get back on track soon..

::happy fasting people::

she's engaged

2008-09-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

CONGRATULATIONS to miss syahrezad

::i promise i'll stop calling him org gile::

when a song tell u the story..

2008-08-20T15:28:00.001+08:00

my lil sis asked me to listen to this song, she said, "a lot like your cerita la.."

cinta ini membunuhku

Kau membuat ku berantakan
Kau membuat ku tak karuan
Kau membuat ku tak berdaya
Kau menolakku acuhkan diriku

Bagaimana caranya untuk
Meruntuhkan kerasnya hatimu
Ku sadari ku tak sempurna
Ku tak seperti yang kau inginkan

Kau hancurkan aku dengan sikapmu
Tak sadarkah kau telah menyakitiku
Lelah hati ini meyakinkanmu
Cinta ini membunuhku

Bagaimana caranya untuk
Meruntuhkan kerasnya hatimu
Ku sadari ku tak sempurna
Ku tak seperti yang kau inginkan

Lelah hati ini meyakinkanmu
Cinta ini membunuhku

well, enuff said la kan..

::how la.....::

the newlyweds

2008-08-19T13:31:00.001+08:00

last sunday [170808] mark the day abg farid and kak jaja bersatu as husband and wife. the ceremony was held in kak jaja's residence in kg awah, temerloh, pahang. well, about 30 mins from my folks' home. so, ape lagi kan, balik umah la... was thinking to spend the nite at the hotel with catt n family, but my dad wasn't home, and i'm coming home just for a while, so i decided to teman-ed my mum at home and be with the rombongan on sunday morning.

i reached seri malaysia at 10.20am, to see mummy had yet to shower, mama tgh buang semut kat hantaran, and abg farid is already clad in his white baju melayu. and he's wandering around the room. [nervos, dah tak boleh dok diam].

the moment i entered the room, he said "sorry, i'm not available. hahahaha".

that's him mengusik me, trying to let loose of himself. and the minute after he was singing to a song i can't even recognised, stealing adik's lollipop, and memekak cari sampin die padahal mende tu dah terbentang atas katil. maafkanlah ye pengantin yg terlalu nervous ini eh.

dari dah siap smpailah nak bertolak to kak jaja's house, i lost count to how many cigarettes he took. dah macam chimney dah. you know, seeing him like that, buatkan aku tak sampai hati nak usik die lebih2. kesian ok..

we reached kak jaja's around 11.30am. saing ngan tok kadi. hahaha. gempak tak timing? aku bawak dulang buah je, takut nak bawak yg penting2, terlungkup satgi, penaya aku.. masuk je umah, dah nmpak kak sara. haha. aku dr jauh dh jerit, "sedara!". haha.. peluk cium jap, terus ke depan amik tempat. since aku dok belakang, i handed catt my phone and camera.

all day, i wonder how i'll be if i'm in abg farid's shoes. must be panicking like hell!

dengan sekali lafaz yg sgt laju, kak jaja sah bergelar wifey kepada abg yg hensem [bluekk!!].

menitik gak la air mata terharu aku walaupun die bukan abg kandung aku, but still, aku dh anggap die mcm abg sendiri. nasib baik sempat lap the tears before org nmpak. n aku control cam nak mati gak la supaye air mata tak kuar lg. tgk mummy nangis, aku terus pusing tmpat lain.. kalau diikutkan, bole banjir nnti..

part yg paling takleh blah ialah, after sarung cincin, gelang, jam n etc, time org suruh cium dahi kak jaja, abg farid bole pulak pegi tarik muke kak jaja dgn 'gelojohnye'. ape lagi, mmg kena gelak la kan.. tak malu betul.. mengingatkan aku kepada kejadian abg khairil ngan kak anna dulu. hahahaha... malu wei, org ingat sampai bile2 mende tu.. pastu, selamat la kan, dapat nickname 'pengantin gelojoh' dari aku. nasib la....

makan yg dihidangkan mmg mantap sampai aku ngan catt makan tak tgk org dah.. catt ngan adik la especially, aku nmpak lg mummy kat sebelah. haha..

yg penting, aku sangat happy tgk diorg. and kak jaja, i love you already! haha.. welcome to the family..

here's some picas to share and cherish.

handing the mas kahwin

the cute couple

tak tau nape tapi sangat suke pic ni!

cincin utk abg farid

aksi sopan selepas digelakkan oleh org ramai

sweet!

me with kak jaja

nmpak tak diriku same tggi ngan kak jaja? haha..

me, kak jaja n kak sara[best fren kak jaja merangkap sedaraku]

gambar yg bakal diframe. ingat senang ke nak soh abg farid pose decent cam tu dlm gambar.

to abg farid and kak jaja, big congrats to both of you. semoga bahagia hingga ke anak cucu.. hehe..

::hepi,hepi,hepi!::

crush..

2008-08-08T14:04:00.000+08:00

according to my last note to myself, i'm supposed to keep myself away from him. well, at least that's what i've been working on, and i managed to do so for almost a whole week until he showed up out of nowhere.

see, whenever i try to keep a distance between us, that's when he comes. when i was chasing him and making all the effort for him, it would be me who will end up with a heartbreak.

so, does this mean i'm supposed to go with his flow?

again, i'm not hoping. i'm just enjoying the pleasure of his charms. period.

with him, everything is unpredictable.

::one step at a time::

inspired

2008-08-05T14:51:00.000+08:00

i tried this 3 days ago but i didn't buy it. and till today, i couldn't get this top out of my head. silly, yes.. i want this, and i really want it. and i'm gonna find a way to get it. nothing stands between me and the dots.

aaaaaaa..... i'm sooo going to get it.. let just say i was inspired by mandy moore. *wink*

::still searching for a white summer dress::

a belated birthday splurge

2008-08-04T14:07:00.000+08:00

a week ago, my dearest father gave me some 'extra' cash for my belated birthday. he said sorry he was too busy to find me a present this year. well, it's quiet an amount of cash. so instead of going shopping like org gile with the money, i decide to spend it on something i couldn't buy with my monthly allowance. first of all, replacing my worn out green dorothy perkins wallet. so i went for a window shopping to look for things from my 'most wanted stuffs' list. and TADAAAA.....

the latest liz claiborne wallet which is sooo cute..

and the adidas slingbag i wanted..

yeay for me!

those items might look like something you can get anytime you want but for me, it's something that happens once a year. since i was seven, birthdays were like christmas to me. on the day, i'll wake up early, to see a card was placed on my dressing table together with a box of present. even there's time the presents came a little late, the card itself will made me feel happy. usually there would be no cake on my birthday as we celebrate mine together with my mother's four days earlier. what's so special about the card from my parents? only their daughters know. *wink*. as time goes by, i celebrate my birthday away from my parents. text message became the alternation of cards, but the word of wisdom were still longer than ever. the thing is, we still get the cards, later on. yes, my father is very thoughtful and i guess i got the gene from him.

it's funny how i still have the birthday spirit after almost 3 months. hahahaha..

btw, i've been keeping this pictures for a while, so here's a peek at my not-so-new gladiators.

i have another pair in different pattern and different color. electric blue. nice... i'll show you later.

at the mo, i'm worried about my bestie.

::waiting for the little green thingy to jatuh ke ribaan..haha::

we're our own celebs..

2008-07-31T14:15:00.000+08:00

i was browsing thru sasha bashir's blog when i saw a picture of her with daphne iking at the private premier of the movie sex and the city. surprisingly, what caught my eye is the thing daphne's carrying in her arms. the same IKEA blanket the 3 0f us always took to movies. hahahaha. even celebs do what we do...

the famous blankets ; the white one is ina amoi's, dark blue is kakngah's and the green one is mine

while i was at my parents' last weekend, i had the chance to see my grandma as well. so before i head to her house, i made a phone call to let her know we were coming. as soon as she heard my voice,

"laa...hang bila balik? tak mau mai kat tok ka?"

"nak mai la ni. talipon kat tok ni nak bagitau tok toksah dok masak apa"

(she has the norm of preparing my favorite food if i'm coming over)

"tak masak apa aih. hang mai la lekaih"

(yeah, rite.. by the time we arrive, there's plenty of food on the table. tak masak apa konon)

as we enter her driveway, i saw a pile of bricks, sands and cements in her yard. so i asked my mum what are those for.

"as you know, your tok has a hobby of expanding her house"

"tak cukup besar lagi ke??"

my mother just grinned.

aiyaa... the house is as big as a castle already.

i told my grandma this :

"tok, ape kate tok pebesaq bilik cek di rumah pulak, ada gak gunanya"

"hang toksah nak mengada-ngada"

amik kau!

"tu buah manggis melambak ataih pokok, pi panjat"

hearing that, me and my lil bro were practically running to the backyard. instead of using a galah, we decide to climb the tree. eating manggis atas pokok is a plesure you can never describe. yummy! seems like eating from the pokok is not enough, we took home a bag full of it. huhu. and me, being the hantu manggis, ate most of it. *grin*

before

after

enuff said.

::at the moment, i'm not ok::

the dark knight

2008-07-22T16:23:00.000+08:00

watching dark knight is.......... depressing. the moment the bank robbery scene started, i lost my focus. all i think about is heath, and what the movie had done to him. i failed to see the big picture of him playing the joker because i'm too sad mengenangkan what had happened to him. and to be honest, i almost cried watching the joker as heath in that character was sangat terkesan di hati. so i left the hall feeling frustrated and sad. the next day, i watched it again with my semsasian girls. this time, i managed to pull myself to actually watch the dark knight. and i felt so puas. after all, batman is my favorite superhero of all time.

my favorite line in dark knight is when joker said "you complete me" to batman.

hahahahaha...

seriously, i'm in no mood to write a long post. terlalu banyak melayan perasaan lately.

one thing for sure, i miss my silence guardian.

::in need of comfort hug::

i've been tagged by siti emma sherrina

2008-07-15T14:49:00.001+08:00

Nama-nama timangan anda:
1. ain by the parents & family
2. along by adik-adik
3. alynn by semsasians
4. lynn by friends
5. ayong ain by the nephews n nieces
6. budak kecik by the cousins
7. ainness by syahrezad n halina

Anda seorang yang:
1. shopaholic
2. suke makan
3. bookworm
4. love shoes
5. cepat nangis

Insan teristimewa? Describekan kenapa dia teristimewa?

my parents. their love is the greatest gift.

Lagu kesukaan anda :
1. doing that thing you do by the wonders
2. wherever you will go by the calling
3. yo te voy amar by 'n sync
4. like a star by corinne bailey rae
5. jumpa hilang by ROUNDABOUTS

Makanan kesukaan anda:
1. laksa, particularly by mak n mak tok.
2. mcdonald's fries
3. sushi & unagi tako
4. char kuay teow in penang
5. kari kepala ikan

Warna kesukaan anda:
1. apple green
2. lime green
3. citrus green
4. all sorts of green
5. orange

Apa yang membuatkan anda stress:
1. tggu bas yg maha lembap
2. org memekak dlm library
3. org2 kt umah bad mood
4. kena paksa buat sesuatu tanpa rela
5. cari barang tak jumpa

3 benda yang mesti ada dalam beg anda:
other than purse n handphone,
1. oversized shades
2. buku
3. perfume

Kali terakhir anda menangis dan kenapa??
bila : 2 weeks ago
tempat : dalam bilik
tarikh : 27th june 2008
hari : jumaat
sebab : mengenangkan gedebe yg kebudak-budakan

Tag berapa banyak kawan anda:
the darling sis anna
the mental aida najihah
the never the same bestie alip
the thoughtful hans
the JT celup k-rie
the meowmeow catt
the now in states farah adila

::tagged::

i fell, in a blink..

2008-07-10T11:43:00.000+08:00

from the beginning, he said clearly that he, is nice to everyone. he stated that 'sume girls pun aku layan mcm awek'. so i told myself 'don't fall for him'. over and over again. he's just being the sweet him, nothing more than that. we were just started to be close friends. so i should let it stay that way.

but the sweetness keep on coming, and to make it worse, it came along with the frequent meet-ups. we are friends, so avoiding him is never an option. in a blink, i was already there. in that position. making an effort to see him, doing something for him, took everything seriously when it comes to him, bubble dreaming about him and the worst thing is, i'm hoping for him. which is bad, very bad. i fell.i fell for him. i fell for him even when i know i don't stand a chance in his heart. i keep on dreaming even when i know the bubble will popped one day and bring tears to my eyes.

i had a few crush-es before him. but with them, i build the happiness with them, making an effort to be happy together without knowing where we would end up, what will come between us. but with him, i know from the beginning that i'm not gonna be the one, i can almost see the heartbreak coming, and there were obstacles standing between us. but then, i'm still putting my heart on the line. because every little thing about him brings a smile on my face everyday.

some of you told me to step ahead and let him see me from the other angle. in other words, tell him how i feel. thanks for the advice, but by doing so, it will only freak him out. and it will hurt me even more. so, NO. i'm not gonna do that. knowing him all this years, he's not the guy who easily put himself in a relationship.

don't tell me to try harder. this is me trying.

i know he's gonna be with some other girl one day, but i'll wait for the day to come. and i know i'll be miserable when it happens but still i decided to take the risk and stay close while i still have my chances to be close to him.

have i lost my mind? i think i did. so fellas, just bear with me.

::love is fuzzy::

SEPI + shopping + slippers

2008-07-01T00:21:00.001+08:00

didn't have the solid reason why i love this pic so much. it was taken while waiting for the stupid train to arrive, and being us, we snapped our potraits whenever or wherever we had a chance. talk about a bunch of camwhores here. hehe. we went to watch SEPI at midvalley last saturday. as for me, it was the 2nd time as i've watched SEPI during the special screening 2 days before it's released nationwide. the movie was good, great would be more appropriate word. malay movies are disasters most of the time but you can always expect a good one from kabir bhatia. i like it more than CINTA. people, go and watch, seriously worth your money.

then we went shopping. as tempting as it always be, i did 'berkenan' something from ZARA. and i end up splurge my money on it. it's a knitted hooded grey sweater. don't have the pic to show, later maybe. farie bought a dark purple sweater from romp, farah was on a tight budget, and catt didn't have the appetite to menuang duit. then, the 4 of us bought a pair of identical flip-flop each. it's only available in green and pink. yeay!you don't even have to ask which pair is mine.

i'm so malas to elaborate on every single thing. hehe. sorry.

i had my hair trimmed last wednesday. my stylist was so eager to see me. it's been two month since the last cut. she said my curls look stunning. and all i could do is grinned. hehe. thanks to you though. huhu. she washed my hair and ask what i wanna do with my hair today.

her : nak potong ke cmane ni?

me : trim je, i'm keeping the length.

her : good. tapi kite potong fringe tu pendek sket dr biase eh?

i was hesitated at first because when she said slightly shorter, means i can't selit my fringe blakang telinge anymore. but i decided to go with it because she always know how to fix my hair. and it turned out good. i kind of like it. hehe.

the bestie is unreacheable. maybe he went MIA again. duhh..

::my hair is super long!::

GEDEBE getaway to genting

2008-06-28T22:35:00.000+08:00

sorry for the long gone, the internet was down due to the new PC installment and plus, i've been away for 3 days to spend time with my 3 beloved GEDEBE, catt, farah and farie. and it was wonderful. thanks again to farah and family [the sherrinas, baba n mama]. thanks bagi tumpang tidur, bawak makan satay, pick up and drop us kat LRT for 3 days straight. tenkiu so much!

makan sate di taman melati bersama family farah

first of all, kitorg ni kalau pegi memane yang menggunakan tiket, memang la suwey. tak pernahnye la sempurna. disebabkan sume pissed off yg teramat, sume senyap tak terkate ape on the way nk pegi tu. sampai je kt situ, masing2 men *toot* sehabis baik. pastu, bile naik skyway, dah ok. dah start excited. huhu. best!

naik skyway

pendek kate kitorg main almost everything yg ade kat situ tak kire outdoor atau indoor. except for space shot la which farah n farie je naik. sepanjang berada di atas, kelaparan mengatasi kesejukan. padan la muke masing2 sebab tak nak dgr cakap mama suruh bawak bekal. haha. game paling boring is ferris wheel dlm indoor park. geram betul ngan akak tu, memangla org tak ramai, die boleh pulak kasik mende tu pusing smpai beratus2 kali. kalau bnyak sgt mende nk tgk mase kat atas tu takpe gak, bape kali la jugak si farie menjerit tnye akak tu "tak nak berenti ke kak?". dan akaknye tu dgn tenangnye berborak2. bile dah turun, die bole pulak tnye "best?". kitorg hanye mampu tersengih dgn perasaan ingin menghadiahkan sebijik penumbuk ke muka akak itu. time naik gondola plak, rase nak tolong kayuhkan je. lembap nak mampus.

berjalan merentasi segala mende

naik merry-go-round

we are in london!!!

indoors

on the way balik, sume pengsan smpaila ke kl. sampai kl sentral terus kejar makanan. al maklumla LAPAR. dah kenyang, balik, pas mandi, kuar balik lepak kt NZ. padahal masing2 dah mereng dah. sorg cakap lain, yg sorg lagi cakap lain. tapi biasela, dh berjumpa, mcm2 cite la kuar. balik terus pengsan. abis satu hari pnye cite. to be continued sbb gambar kat midvalley tak upload lagi.

::nnti boleh pegi lg::

an embarassed shopaholic

2008-06-19T00:05:00.000+08:00

i did something awfully stupid last nite. and it's in the middle of the nite. so i've got no one to turn to. i woke up in the morning dying to talk to my bestie about it because i know he will laugh his ass out. and as i expected, he did. told ya, it's a stupid thing and i won't tell. actually, it's what i did immediately after that that look incredibly stupid and embarassing. so we talked and in the end, he said something that really made my day. haha. that's a secret i never tell. *wink* and please don't blew out my cover. i had it all acted up pretty good you know. and one thing i couldn't get rid of the whole day was the muna, mek and jow crap you told me. how in hell did you came up with that? unbelievable...

so since i'm such in a good mood, i went out with my cousin-in-law to bukit raja. hajat di hati nak teman die beli tiket wayang je. unfortunately, the tix was out and we decided to window shopping. those people who know us, will know that there's no such thing as window shopping hwen it comes to this 2 perempuan. yup, she bought 4 tops and i bought these two for less than rm80.

a yellow mustard handbag

and a pair of red wedges

envy me? kill yourself. haha. well, there goes my budget. i'm supposed to pick two gossip girl books i ordered but that would have to wait. and none of these items are in my shopping list either! on top of my list IS a pair of gladiator! damn la.. totally want a pair. belated birthday gift anyone? huhu.

well, about mek and jow [i don't even know why i'm writing this], i'm still trying to figure out how to pursue the man of my dream without neglecting a friend. well, it's tough. because the man of my dream who happens to be named jow in this story, despises my close friend who carries the name mek. although we're from the same institution, there's things from the past that seems to makes him hate her for life. so, to see more of jow, means i have to see less of mek which is very impossible to do. so, any advice?

till then, let's go complicate our life some more. mwahs!!

::craving for some hazelnut coffee::

happy father's day!

2008-06-15T23:14:00.000+08:00

happy father's day to my darling dad, ENCIK MOHAMMAD ZAWAWI BIN ABU BAKAR.

i'm trying not to be cheesy here because i've wrote a cheesy speech in the card i gave you, so let it be for your eyes only. after all, i've been known as a daddy's girl since school, so, i don't think any of my friend wants to read what this 'anak manja' have to say to his dad. ayah, i love you, and i miss the good old days we spent wayyy before you became the busy man you are today. thanks to the invention of a gadget called handphone, we're able to keep in touch. and you seems to love the idea of getting through me wherever i am. to those who might not know, my dad entertain sms as much as teenagers. yep, he does. and by each two weeks, i will get this "are you coming home this weekend?" message on the phone. which is more like an order than a question actually. being the firstborn made me the 'link' for the others to get to ayah. i'm the one who always have the guts to talk to ayah. like he ever listen to me. mind you, i am the most manja, but i'm not his golden daughter. i always have to settle the 2nd best, but always be there whenever he needs me. yet, i love my father with all my heart and soul. kasih sayang saya tidak berbelah bagi. cewah! i love you ayah!

o-m-g, i do sounds cheesy. once in a while takpe kan. hehe..

and at this very moment, i'm cracking my head up trying to remember this one particular senior from semsas who happens to be kak jaja's brother, and kak jaja is the darling lady who happens to be engaged to abg farid. i don't wanna mess your head up by babbling the relationship between me and this people. but to cut things short, let's just say kak jaja is related to me in so many ways.

back to this senior of mine, i'm still trying to retrieve a piece of memory i might have about you, so bear with me, i will succeed. huhu.

::happy father's day::

an incredible day

2008-06-13T01:05:00.000+08:00

the four of us; me, abg, kakngah n ina amoi went to see ed norton's hulk. well, it's ed, and it's a marvel movie, so, it's a top must see movie. bought the 19:20 show, so, while waiting for kakngah n amoi, me and abg lingering around shopping for toys. hahahaha.. what else la kan, name pun jalan ngan abg. found a few ineresting transformers stuffs.

here's a piece of kebongokan abg. [org lain pn bongok jugak, tp jarang2 dpt capture the bongok moment].

pasni sape cari pasal, dapatla cop kt dahi pkai cincin baru

the movie is great. well, it's comical la of course. what else can you say about ed, he's too damn sexy. huhu. boyfriend kakngah nih. yang nombor berapa tak tau la kan. at least this is better that eric bana's hulk. seriously, you won't regret. catch it in theatres near you.

::tgh tggu dark knight::

i can't help but to love the interior

2008-06-10T23:57:00.001+08:00

look what i found while browsing thru the shoplots in section 7. a cute street wear boutique. i fell in love with the interior as i entered the outlet. it's so cool.. the boutique is just 3 months old, so it's still in process to fill it up with more stuff. to be frank, the items are cheap and affordable.

it's called STAR PINKY by nina and located at the pasaraya bintang area. check the pics..

the lounge : there are ps2, books, magazines and MTV. cool kan?

one of the artwork at the back of the shop

and another one

and the map, courtesy of nina's blog

aida-belle, you've got to check this out..

::definitely going back there again::

'sembunyi' at the beach..

2008-06-09T00:33:00.003+08:00

at this very right moment, all i wanted is to be at batu feringgi and take a lot of pictures and buy tonnes of DVDs. or eating rojak on gurney drive. and not forgetting the super yummy laksa. i felt like giving up phuket and spend time in penang instead. or go to kellie's castle again. or i could get chill on top of bukit larut with catt. arrggghhh, i'm so messed up.

me n my GEDEBE fellas used to motivate ourselves with the thought of going to pulau kapas for free (wink! only we know why it's free). but ever since we've grow a distance with each other, we're no longer mention about the pulau kapas trip. sad, i know..

leave the sore subject. it hurts to just even think about it.

stay cool, chill out, go with the flow. that's my goal for now. that's exactly what i'm gonna do about him. as my bestie said over and over again, "don't try too hard". kalau ade, ade la, kalau takde, sudah.

i'm in no mood to party these days. i just wanna have fun lepaking at mamak's or any eateries.

and a shameless statement before i sign off, i'm all available for "made of honour". (*wink*) anyone?

::tgh layan 'sembunyi' by andy n misha omar::

i've been tag by everyone

2008-06-08T00:08:00.002+08:00

i know people have been complaining about me not updating my blog. good news then that i'm no longer too-occupoied-running-all-the-little-errands-all-day as the wedding has passed. and i'm now stepping back into my normal days. yippey!! few things changed along the way that i don't update you about my pathetic life. but i decided some things are better stay in the dark.

and i'm not answering all the post that i've been tagged to because there's too many of it.

so here's my 7 facts :

1) i hate cockroaches to the max. dead or alive. if i see one, i'll be screaming for help and my wonder women will save me.

2) i don't drink milk except with my cereal. don't even ask why.

3) i love shopping, i love shoes n bags particularly.

4) i always crave for this 4 things - coffee, j.co/big apple donuts, mcdonald's coke, and sushi

5) i love to read. i can spent hours in MPH. and i always spent a fortune on books.

6) i hate numbers, so i don't do sudoku, i do word search instead.

7) i am petite. it's a fact.

and now my 7 habits :

1) i tend to bersila everywhere. in the car, at the dining table, at mamak's, starbucks and etc.

2) i always put aside the pickles in my double cheese burger when i got it instead of asking the staff not to put those in my burger.

3) i always carry a book in my handbag. currently carrying gossip girl #5

4) i drool over everything in green. =)

5) beratur pnjang2 to buy movie tix rather that book for it online because i know i'll never manage to get it on time to pick it up.

6) put on my shades even though the sun tak la seberapa nak bersinar dah. it's the style that matters. hehe.

7) bangun pagi, go downstairs, and open the fridge and stare blankly inside it. tak tipu tau, trun je ke dapur that's the 1st thing yg akan dibuat even tho dah tau exactly ape ade dlm tu.

::enuff of tagging la people::

hazelnut coffee makes me high

2008-06-07T18:50:00.000+08:00

we met up for coffee yesterday. i was just arrived from kl n head straight to old town white coffee across the street. with my oversized shades, new long sleeves from GAP, worn out white ipanema sandals and overnite bag, i cross the busy road. it was an extremely hot day. the minute i sat down, i called for a glass of hazelnut coffee immediately while waiting for him. and i'm starving for not eating anything except for a bowl of kellogg's in the morning with aji, so i ordered my favourite kaya n butter toast. suprisingly when he arrived, i've lost my appetite to eat the toast. and he cleared the plate 4 me. but i ordered another glass of my coffee as we catch up. hurmmm, what else can i say, hazelnut coffee makes me high. and caffeine has failed to keep me up at nite.

while we were chit-chatting over our glasses of coffee, my insanely-annoying-but-i-still-love-him best friend called from new zealand. he haven't called in a month and of all the perfect timing he could get, he rang me while i was having my freaking dose of caffeine. duhhh... it's like he has a telepathetic mind or something.

we finished our drinks and he sent me home. few minutes later he texted,

"lupe nk claim hadiah bday. hehe"

and i simply replied,

"i wanna claim mine too. =)"

so now, i nedd to figure ut what to give him, eventho i had the slightest idea that he would do the same, but i really do wanna give him something, ikhlas dari hati. hehe. now i sound juicy. makes you wanna puke huh? deal with it, i'm in cloud nine.

::looking forward for july::

why we never have answers..

2008-05-14T15:22:00.000+08:00

why a woman could never get enough of what she have?

why she can't ever be grateful of all her possessions?

why all the attention she got were never enough for her?

what's more could she possibly asks for?

why the prettier ones always got away with things?

why it seems like they never run out of luck?

i envy her. i envy them.

things are not gonna change.

the world will always be like this.

the ugly duckling will never be a beautiful swan.

screw the crap.

::dealing in denial::

motorola phone launching

2008-05-10T20:23:00.001+08:00

i don't promise anything about the performances as i'm still a bit disappointed with estranged's AIM performance. but, the phone from MOTOROLA is pretty awesome. let's go and check this out. this wednesday at laundry bar, the curve mutiara damansara. for further info,visit http://estrangedmusic.blogspot.com/.

so, rock on people.

::let's rock::

i've been tagged by aida najihah

2008-05-08T13:19:00.000+08:00

Currently - makan hati with my bestie
Playing - misery business by paramore
Pending - the guestlist!! grrr.sakit otak
What's new? - pink handphone, white handbag and stuffed tortoise. (birthday presents from my uncle, ina n kakngah, tq)
Real name - Nur'Ain Fadlina bt Mohammad Zawawi
Nickname - ain, lynn, alin, budak kecik, bdk skolah n etc.
Married - not yet.
Male/Female - Female
High school - SEMSAS kuantan, ABS temerloh.
College - MSU Shah Alam
Are you a health freak? - errr, nope.
Do you have a crush on someone? - yup, yup. and i'm not telling.
Do you like yourself? - of course i do!

First:
Surgery - weeeee...tak penah.
Person you see in the morning - cik syahrezad bettencourt tgh kelamkabut nk g keje.
Award - standard 1, best student for english.
Sports you join in - hockey
Vacation - tak ingat da...
Concert - sumpah tak ingat.

Your future:
Want kids - mestila...
Want to get married - nak tapi tak tau bile..
Careers in mind - CIKGI!!

Which is better?
Lips or Eyes? - eyes...
Hugs or Kisses? - hugs
Shorter or Taller? - taller
Romantic or Spontaneous? - spontaneous
Sensitive or Loud? - loud
Troublemaker or Hesitant? - TROUBLEMAKER!

Have you ever,
Kissed a stranger? - a big NO.
Drank bubbles - penah kot..
Ran away from home - not yet. haha.
Liked someone younger - penah! remember the starbucks dude? he's sungguh comel..
Broke someone's heart - even if i did, i'm not confessing here.
Been arrested - nope. saye seorg yg menjaga name baik mak bapak
Cried when someone died - definitely. i cried all the time without a reason

Do you believe in,
Yourself - yes.
Miracles - yes.
Magic - mengarut.
Angels - yes.

Is there someone you want to be with right now? - ehmm. funny kan, i'm mad at him, but still, he's the one i want to be with the most right now. lebih2 lagi time2 tgh tekanan mcm ni.

i want to tag :

the stressful sis anna
the forgetful sis diha
the once i-share-everything-with-u fren farah sherrina
the now-a-temporary-teacher catt
the manchester united die hard chick etiey
the soon to be gone to the states farah adila

::tag::

this is us..

2008-04-17T16:02:00.001+08:00

macam ni la kitorg bile dah berkumpul ramai2 dan masing2 sengal..

ni mase kat studio, rockstars lain tgh sebok menggulung, kitorg dok merepek kat tepi.

ni hasilnye :

kaki sape paling cantik?

ni time kat umah, everyone is wearing the bongok crown, so, this is what happened :

yep, we are sengal... there's more to come... wait je ok..

::video blog::

seize the day

2008-04-15T11:44:00.001+08:00

pop shuvit is tomorrow!!! waaaa, still pikir2 whether to go or not. ish, pening2..

i need to take a break from shopping for a while because i just came to realize that i have 3 tops and a pair of shoes i haven't wear yet, and 2 books i haven't finish. grrrrr. stop spending money la cik!

estranged got nominated in two categories for AIM 15 which will happens on 3rd of may. yeay! and they'll be performing too. another yeay!

i'm trying to pujuk budak-suara-nyaring to nyanyi seize the day by avenged sevenfold. we think our dummer-poyo will be able to play this song, so now what's left is to pujuk someone to sing it. have no idea whether he will agree or not, but it's worth trying. i've already missed last week's jamming session, so i'm looking forward for this week's. hehe.

and i'm in need to pegi tgk live band. naik gile dah seminggu kat hospital, dok kawan dgn nurses yg tak abes2 la dgr lagu mawi. gagagaga. aiya.. pening ok, tapi takleh nak kate ape, diorg suke.

nowadays macam dah syok lepak makan kt asia cafe subang. thanks to brader-gitar-merah yg introduce the place. the food is good and variable. and the most important thing is, cuci mate best kat sini ok.. hahahahahaha...

and sesape yg rase menyampah dgr lagu estranged bile bukak blog ni, kat playlist tu ade button pause. go and click. suit yourself. never crossed my mind to force any of you to listen to the songs. tq.

and i finally managed to upload a clearer version of ROUNDABOUTS performance. so, hati sangat puas. :)

kepada korang yang dah takde keje sangat and terasa macam nak ikut cakap jep, kira la bape banyak word ok dalam entry this time.

::tired::

i hate hospitals..

2008-04-10T14:40:00.000+08:00

my 15 years old baby sis went into surgery last monday due to swollen fallopian tube. and she's just 15. it is scary. it scares the hell out of me and my parents. thankfully, she's safe, and now still in the hospital, recovering. my mum is staying with her at the hospital and i'm practically running the house these days. and yes, that includes cooking. i do cook, i'm just not in love with it yet.

so, my life is so serabut now, big apologizes to those who felt abandoned by me. i am so sorry.

kepada mereka2 yg berkenaan as in lovely cousins, cousin angkat, family jamming, family-pegi-mana2-beramai2, jom kite tgk street kings nak? keanu reeves tu... jom2..

::tak cukup tido::

my not-so-decent-number-11-superstar is here!!

2008-04-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

yeay!! my best friend is in town! i'm soooo undeniably happy! yep, the one who's studying in new zealand. he's back for a short break and will be flying back at the end of april. never mind the sekejapness of time, because i miss him like super duper crazy. and last nite we lepak-ed minum kat hakim. the minute he showed up at my doorstep, i threw him a hug. couldn't care less about the sweaty-greasy him [he just came back from the basketball court]. after all, me myself pun tak mandi since balik dr midvalley that evening. haha. yeah, i missed him that much. after a while, miza joined us at hakim and we've been chitchat bagai nak gile. i can't stop calling and texting everyone just to say "alip is here". gagagagaga.

then we're supposed to have lunch together with awin today. but he had to cancel. i wanted to blanje him cake, because his birthday baru lepas. and nak spend time with him as much as i can before he's busy with his girlfriend. he's a guy with commitments now. i have to adapt that.

i am sooo thrilled to spend this april with the fact that he's here which means, more frequent texting, meeting, giggling and etc.

to cousin angkat, HANG IN THERE.

kepada mereka2 yang kononnye nak ke hard rock last saturday then end up tido, you've missed a good show. padan muke. hahahaha.

::he's here, he's here, he's here::

me, you and my medication

2008-04-01T17:23:00.000+08:00

grrrrrr... got the viruses from kak d. and i hate this feeling of rase tak sedap badan ok. can't sleep, can't eat, tasteless, restless.. eiiii, hate, hate, hate!

not in the mood to blog so much.

ade sesape is planning on going to pop shuvit's album launching? because, i would love to tag along. seriously. the details as below :

event : POP SHUVIT'S ALBUM LAUNCHING
venue : HARD ROCK CAFE, KL
date : 16TH APRIL 2008, wednesday
time : 3.00 pm
admission is FREE
they'll be performing a few songs and previewing the videos of their tour with my chemical romance.

do let me know if you're going.

i need to lie down and watch grey's. hehehehe.

::demam::

bile cousin angkat menggoreng gitarnye

2008-03-31T00:45:00.003+08:00

first and foremost, nak bagitau kitorang dh officially pangkah studio dot dot dot kt sri damansara tuh. bawak suweyyy je ok. dah dua kali plan nak jam, mesti adenye yang membuatkan tak jadi. and one thing yang tak dapat diterima akal ialah, ade ke patut abang studio tu tak bagi nak book 2 jam sebab tak kenal. macam *tooot* ok. studio ko best sangat ke?? belum try lagi kitorg dah annoyed ngan management. at least before this, dah 2-3 kali jam baru la start rase tak best ngan management, ni belum pape lagi dah bikin panas. memang pangkah abes la kan..

tapi last friday, [time ni badan tgh bau bawang and halia], ingatkan lepas tak jadi jam and tak jadi g bojangles, lepas makan nk terus blah, tapi si budak-yang-tengah-gian-nak-menjerit tu nak jugak jam. so berusahalah diorg2 ni mencari studio yang available sambil aku menghirup tomyam dengan jayanye. maka dengan itu bergeraklah kitorg [aji, jep, wan, spider, me] ke flying monk kt uptown. then dah sampai sane cousin angkat pun sampai dgn muka yg agak ketat + stress. kepenatan maybe. then melalak la mereka ini sambil aku meng-shoot video. towards the end, kakngah sampai bersama castello. nak dijadikan cerita panas of the nite, tengah syok2 melalak, menggoreng dan menggulung, tetibe amp si cousin angkat tak kuar bunyi, bile pusing je nak tengok kenapa, tetibe nampak amp tu mengeluarkan asap yang berkepul2 dan berbau hangus. wawawawawawawawa, AMP HANGUS!!! guitarist maut betul mamat ni. agak2 la kalau stress pun, sampai terbakar amp dibuatnye. pastu yg bestnye, abang studio tu siap bagi diskaun half an hour or so utk diorg jam. hahahahahaha. seronok la mereka2 ini.

then few minutes lepas tragedi amp hangus, me n kakngah gerak g amik ina amoi kat mandarin oriental. on the way balik, cousin angkat msg ajak lepak jugak. dah tak tahan nak gosipssss. kuikuikuikui. plus, i need to tell him about the 'thing' too. so, after amik ina, kitorg gerak-ed to hartamas. nak menunggu diorg sampai dari bojangles yg sekankang kera tu pun berjam2 ok. then managed to pujuk aji n castello to lepak-ed sekali. hehe.

and i told them about the harassment that traumatized me so much for the past few weeks. and they became more pissed off with mr off-key after they heard what he did to me. spider and cousin angkat can't stop bebel to me for not telling each of them about this when it happened. to be honest, i was too stunned to even said a word that night. and thank you kekanda-kekanda rockstars ku, i felt better when i let this out to you guys. each of us have our own solid reason not to like mr off-key, but for me, he gave me a solid reason to HATE him forever.

then we lepak-ed kat hartamas till 4am, joined by our idol, ache. hehe. then balik umah, kul 5 tido, kul 8 bangun kemas umah for the makan2 thing. sangat penat.

eh, have you heard of exist punye lagu titled "hani goreng lempeng, lempengnya hangus"? hahahaha, inspired by the song, we made our own version of "shuki goreng gitar, amp nye hangus". hahahahahahahahahahahaha. gelak sampai guling2 ok!

memang aku kena carut pasni. takpe, glam sket kan? kate nak buat lagu sendiri.. kalau kite bagi title je kat mr off key then suruh die buat melodi and complete lyric, boleh tak? hehehehe. dah tentu lah jawapannnye JANGAN HARAP!

::ting-tong::

when the TV affects your mood and life

2008-03-26T01:10:00.000+08:00

eyyyy, this grey's anatomy thing is soooo addictive ok. i noticed that whenever i watched the series, i tend to get emotionally involved. tooooo emotionally involved. damn it la wei... and the last 2 days, i've been teman-ed aji watching the 3rd season. i love the series, i love every season of it. and i just can't help to watch it over and over again.

and to beautiful-sweet-amazing-comel-slim-pandai masak cousin, kak anna, we realllllyyy do want the 2nd season you've been keeping. eh, notice the kiss ass words i used? hehehehehe. she's going to blanje me to watch 27 dresses this sunday, complete with meal. yeay!! really cheer me up okey. nak claim coffee skali bole tak? bole la..... wink,wink! sayang kamu selamanya!!

plus, i'm still trying to fix my schedule for friday. seems like i have to make sure everything is ready by thursday so i can go out on friday. gile okeyy!! siang nak go out meeting yan who'll be coming to kl all the way from kelantan, and malamnye, nak g jamming pulak, then nak g bojangles. gile la wei.... sumpah kena balik awal, siapkan sume keje then malam baru kuar balik.

naik gile dah ni, tak tau nak susun camane lagi dah. rase macam nak split myself into 3, 4, or 5 ok. then saturday have to be fit for the makan2 sempena upcoming wedding thingy. you have to be fit to serve the guests okie. hectic gile life. and badan still rase penat2 and sengal2 due to time tido yg dh tak betul and too much tido.

you know what i need best now? i need a breeze on the beach. i need to be in penang. i want to lepak2 at the gurney drive sambil makan rojak and laksa. and loads of it. and i just want to get fat by eating all the super sedap delicacies. ala, miss nye wei!!

speaking of fat, the rainy weather is not helping me at all. dah bape lame tak jogging nih. tiap2 petang hujan dengan lebatnye, nak exercise pun susah. nyampah. and saya benci band hujan juga. BENCI. tak suke, tak suke, tak suke! tapi takleh kutuk lebih2, kang ade plak tetibe pelbagai makian dan cacian muncul di comment board gue nanti..

::tengah hari yg gelap::

eligible bachelor

2008-03-25T00:52:00.000+08:00

while i was at the MPH bookstore in midvalley, i flipped a CLEO magazine latest issues of 'bachelors' which is the most awaited issue of the year and i saw mr DJ is one of the 50 bachelors. gagagagagaga, i grabbed a copy and almost forget about checking out the latest bestsellers fiction shelf. hahahahaha.

then i had this strangest idea about nominating kacuk for next year's round. hehehehehehe. bole menang tak? we'll see la.. if only he's still a bachelor by then. dengdengdeng!!

the main purpose of going to mid valley is to send my mp3 player to be repaired. yadayada, u might say i should just buy a new one and get rid of it but, i have my own reasonS of why i went all the way to fix it. first, it's the only gadget that i carry around most of the time other than my phone. and it's still under warranty, so i don't have to pay for the cost. and it's a gift from a friend. and it's a green gadget which makes it soooo adorable. and to be exact that gadget is my companion la. and i love it so much.

and i end up buying a bottle of shampoo and conditioner due to 'browsing the items you want so much under the influence of sales sign'. *sigh* but i managed to stay awaaayyyy from ZARA. kudos to me! learn from your mistakes huh.

it's a weird monday nite to stay home instead of rocking ourselves in any jamming studios. hihi. it's been a routine known to everyone. so, it's weird.

i'm blogging at the upstairs' hall. and everybody is already asleep. so i turned the speaker off so no sounds could wake them up. and due to my 'tak terpikir' sense, i click to a buletin on friendster posted by jep a.k.a rajeshkumar a.k.a drummer poyo which i should know would be the perfect bahan gelak till guling2. and every single word i read made me laugh in silence. ever do that? hell it hurts. i've been covering my mouth so i don't burst into a big laugh and paused everytime i finished a line. gile ok.. next time, don't read any of those hilarious post.

::need a haircut::

another favourite actor died in his role

2008-03-24T00:11:00.000+08:00

damn it la. WHY the actors i love mostly end up died in the story. slightly after GHOST end at 11.30pm, i got a text message from a friend,

"a big hahahaha. your mr dj a.k.a bodyguard dah mati. he almost die in KAMI too aite? and not to forget, you also love garrett hedlund who continuously end up dying in most of his roles."

that's just piss me off ok! go see death sentence laaa!!!!! garrett is not so lembik after all! benci gile!!

and liverpool is just tooo bangang to let man utd won. arrgghhhh....

tomorrow, gotta do something productive. seriously..

::2 episodes left of GHOST::

i'm too tired to even move my ass

2008-03-23T00:54:00.000+08:00

today was the kemas rumah day. and this mengemas thing is infectious. because it's not just us, abang even woke up early and start tidying up his room.[which means he moved unnecessary things from his room and campak-ed them to the living room].

and we've been kemas-ing till 8.30 pm. did i mention i slept at 5.30am and woke up at 10 and start doing the chores right away and i am soooooo tired but hell, here i am, blogging. sangat penat! kakngah dah pengsan. and i bet i'll be sleeping like a dead man. comfy bed, here i come!! owh, i got to sleep on the bed tonite. yeay!

i'm in need to shop. like seriously. i need a pair of NEW shades. i want the red bag from little black book. i need more funky t-shirts. i need to SHOP!!!!

and damn, i really need a haircut. it's been 5 months. gile2..

satu perkara untuk renungan bersama, korang pernah tgk tak orang kaler kuku sebelah tangan je. dah la kaler ngan cutex merah, then die boleh plak pegi kedai la, pegi situ la, sane la, dengan tangan yg kukunye sebelah berkaler, sebelah tak. penah? i forgot to snap a picture la, maybe tomorrow kot. and if you wonder what drove her to be that bongok, the answer is the colonisation of perasaan malas dan bangang. kepada sesape yg membaca, if rase korang hebat, take a lucky guess. hahahahaha.

i'm off to bed, with a pile of unfolded laundry and tonnes of garbage bags downstairs. what a productive day. i'm impressed. hurmmm....

::penat,penat,penat::

when the blog has been shut down for 12 hours

2008-03-22T05:05:00.000+08:00

i accidentally did something terrible to my blog last nite which brought the result of shutting it down for 12 hours starting from 3am to 3pm. i have re-construct my blog to make it more presentable.

tu pun dah ramai yg bising why my blog is restricted. so sebab tak tahan, i open the blog for views with 'kecacatan' yg terlampau. but now dah ok after a few stages of filling up the missing pieces.

went to bojangles with the cousins, ijal n kacuk. crowd tak ramai macam selalu. and friday nite terasa sengal tanpa encik shuky. i hope he's reading this. weekend kitorg terasa bosan ok. so yeah, we missed you already. gotta admit that. kalau tak, starting from thursday every week, die la yg paling rajin ajak pegi memane. oi, can't wait to tell you 'that thing' about mr off-key la.

everyone is getting more pekak day by day. gile ok. sorg cakap lain, sorg dgr lain. tapi jamming tetap ikut, tak mau tinggal.. hahahahahahaha... nest week kat mane? dah start rase tak best kat current studio nih. P.O.Y.O..

gotta go to bed, ade janji yg perlu ditunaikan esok pagi.

and i have no idea why i'm blogging in malay.

::bile nak mabuk 7 lautan? hehe::

roundabouts pics

2008-03-18T21:10:00.000+08:00

pictures

compilation of snapshots of ROUNDABOUTS n the entourage.

battle of the band UiTM shah alam
15th march 2008

1st place rockstars, ROUNDABOUTS

dah dapat mike hilang terus nervousnye, WAN

suke pic ni sbb tak nampak muke skema die. hahahaha

guitarist maut yg suke tggal brg, SHUKRAN

guitarist hidup a.k.a my cousin, AJI

drummer yg sgt poyo, JEP

bassist saham naik, INDON

stage yg sangatlaaaa sempitnye...

rocking the crowd

time ni bassist merayap g mane ntah

jep.shuky.aji

castello celup

rock on!!

messing around b4 the result

::rock on people!!::

band

2008-03-17T13:27:00.000+08:00

too good to be true

went to UiTM shah alam's battle of the band last saturday as my rockstars were one of the band competing to be the best. no offense, tapi band2 lain yg perform agak tak menarik jiwa la. and it's wan's first battle, and how lucky this newbie is because they managed to pull off the first place! yeay to RONDABOUTS!! and the moment they got off the stage, people are whispering about 'the cute vocalist'. hahahahaha. hot stuff! too bad people won't be able to see him around on the usual days. *wink*

take a look of the video of the nite. fyi, (favorite word jep skang) we're the eighth band to perform, and before us, the crowd were sooo senyap ok.. see how they turn out when wan start singing.

and the pictures from the nite nanti ek... too malas too edit. hehehehe.

::still in joy!!!::

hangout

2008-03-15T16:23:00.000+08:00

when the world is going crazy

...and i have them with me..

to be exact, the nite's is for iwan, but things turn out to be a little out of plan..

the crazy clan

the loving cousins

bile dah gile..

the tree is the main affection

die nyanyi sgt best ok..

going to uitm's battle of the band tonite..
just to get over the not-going-to-sunburst thing.

::getting more pekak n pekak each day::

life

2008-03-06T00:11:00.000+08:00

gloomy day, gloomy me

it's frustrating when people you like don't like you back. it hurts a lot when people you wanted to be close with, people you wanted to be friends with, don't feel the same as you do. but it hurts even more when the people that are close to you suddenly pulled away. without a solid reason. without any explanation.

screw up. that's something you're not supposed to do in life. but when you did screwed up, that's when you learn. we learned from the mistakes we made. we need to make mistakes in order to get things right.

putting your hopes too high in the sky is never a good thing. it will crush you even more deeper to the ground when you failed. life is so much sweeter when the unexpected things happen. enjoying the flirtations at the bar is way better than grieving over the fact that the guy you worship is actually falling for your sister. and you were just his excuse to get close to her.

and why do people appreciate things only when those things are gone or no longer exist? because, in case you wonder, you can always do so while you're at it. appreciate things around you. appreciate for what is there, those who're there. for you. a little thank you would be wonderful to them. don't cry or grieve or MISS them when they're gone. seriously, it means nothing.

hugs of comfort. i forgot what that means already. and to be frank, i wonder if it's still exist.

i'm the ugly duckling among the beautiful swans. so if i feel a little bit intimidated by them, don't questioned me. i have to admit, my confidence level did lower down whenever i'm around them in public. i don't have the same self esteem. i don't. but still, i never fake myself. if people don't like how i look, screw them. that's never a problem to me. and in case you wonder why we all come from the same breed but i don't look like them, well, note this ; NOT ALL PEOPLE WERE BORN BEAUTIFUL. you've got to have some balance.

::post-PMS::

i wish

2008-02-28T16:40:00.001+08:00

i wish...

it's been a total unproductive rainy day. felt like crumpled in my green fleece all day. but that's a total no-no. went out for lunch with kak sam and piya at nachos nachos. had a plate of grande chicken tacos and a glass of lemonade. the combo wassss soooo damn yummy!! hahahaha. adding a few pounds more. damn la.. tapi sgt sedap ok. considering the fact that the darlings cook almost every nite this week, i felt like i lost my self esteem to lose weight. hahahahahaha.

i got a text message from a fond friend of mine saying :

"eh, cute gile boyfren u. sangat cumel tgk pic korg kt frenster."

at first, i thought she was being sarcastic just like the others, so i just layankan je by replying,

"cute kan? name pun cinta hati. hahahahhaha"

unexpectedly, she asked me back something that sent me back to reality.

"camane jumpa? budak kolej u ke? ke die dh keje?"

then i was like, what the fish!! takkan minah ni saje je. then i went straight away to call her, to cursed her of being so jahat.

me : stop all the pranks la babe. pnjang2kan cite plak

her : huh? tak paham. what prank?

me : (sambil kerut2 dahi) don't tell me u don't know who he is?

her : errr, i supposed to know ke?

me : babe! that's andy from estranged la. yg menang juara lagu ari tu! aiyooo.

her : lorhhh.. hahahaha. silly me. sorry la babe, me with local showbiz was never a good combo. mati2 i thought u eventually found someone.

me: teruks la u. hampeh. eh, tapi doa la bnyak2 kot2 jumpe yg bleh main drums cam die.

her : sanggup ke nak date a musician? they come with all sorts of attitude tau.

me : i know. and i don't care. hahahaha.

then we started to bitch about all sort of things.

yeah, rockstars come with attitudeS. no need to look at the famous one, start with the wannabes, the one who's not even in the limelight yet, it's enough to prove the theory.

::wanna see 27 dresses::

bands

2008-02-27T01:44:00.000+08:00

the autographed CD

i now officially own the frequency cannon 1st album which is completely signed by all the members themselves. kepada cik etiey, i know how much you envy me, haha, but i'm enjoying the fact that you're jealous. *wink*

for the record, i checked my mailbox twice today. waiting for the parcel to arrive.

and here's what it looks like. eat your heart out people!

what they wrote on the front cover. take a closer look, and u'll see my name

and they signed on the CD..

looking forward for their 2nd album, estranged 2nd album, and deja voodoo spells 2nd album.

support local bands.

rock on.

::love the track free falling::

song

2008-02-25T02:27:00.000+08:00

song dedication

they said people changed. and yes, they do indeed. so, i dedicate this song for those who still stand still with me today and bear with who i am and what i've become especially for the 10 years of friendship with my superstar bestie aliff shah and the rest of semsasian clan. 10 years was forever. and to gedebe, i'm hoping we could stay forever. love you much.

you'll be safe here
RIVERMAYA

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

ps : if u wanna hear the song, look for it on the right side of this blog, under 'track'.

::still merenung selipar yg telah putus::

crush

2008-02-22T14:46:00.000+08:00

omg! omg! omg! this is what we call dream come true!!!!

WARNING : this post might be the most fucking gedik post ever. so if you don't want to read those cheesy things i wrote, stop reading this thing now.

first and foremost, zillion thanks to my beloved cousins [kakngah, kak d, ina n aji] for being soooo 'ENCOURAGING'. hahahahahahahaha. kak d, time kasih sebab bgtau eh. kakngah mekaseh sebab amik gambar. aji, time kasih sebab sudi singgah ke tempat itu. haha.

it's just february, but i might have to say that 2008 have been the best year. finally, a dream came true. and this is on the top of my list and it's already accomplished.

and you have no idea how i felt before, after and in the future. haha. beware, this thing is contagious. i was shaking like hell, nervous, being next to him just a few inches away made me forget that the rest of estranged guys were there too. gosh, i am pathetically gedik!

note to kak d n kakngah, estranged tgh takde bassist at the moment, those who were there last nite are the two magical guitarists and their manager [the one with the cap].

and thanks to mr azwin andy himself for being such a nice guy and letting me be a pathetic groupie.

ini baru betul tak tido malam ok.

bila kala bulan mengambang

::time ni sgt serabai, sangat busuk and sangat super duper comot::

rockstars

2008-02-19T18:36:00.000+08:00

there's no word could describe how happy i am

big hearty thank yous to kakngah, kak d, acap n ijal. those two darlings, i love u very much.

with moots from pop shuvit [bile nak jumpe drummer die plak nih!!]

with zahid at hard rock cafe. [ade gaye boyfren-girlfren tak?]

the darlings.. [luv u muchos. mwahss]

kakngah and her two most loyal escorts

we had fun, though the plan was all lat minute. in hope to see others, i got to see the others.

and I AM HAPPY. EXTREMELY HAPPY

::me and the rockstars::

life

2008-02-11T15:53:00.000+08:00

in desperate need to lose weight

as a result of a week of unproductive days, lemak berkrim finally melekat at my already chubby cheeks. and i need to get back to my jogging routine starting from today! damn la...

last nite i had some J.CO donuts which are undeniably sinful and thanks to kakngah, she made me ate more than i'm supposed to. tak bleh tahan la....

when i finally gave up on sunburst, kakngah been cucuk-cucuk me to go. and she used the meanest issue ever, which she came across that's something i couldn't resist, which are, the DRUMMERS. those two particular drummers that i wanna see so much, and the band are like awesome ok!!!! then kak d pun bukak cite that she intend to go. damn la, 200 tu... tak makan sebulan tau..

aiiihhhh.. enuff with the drummers la lynn. get back to reality.

::i still love my mr dj::

events

2008-02-09T02:53:00.000+08:00

sunburst music festival

i wanna go to this :

SUNBURST KL INTERNATIONAL MUSIC FESTIVAL

because, the artist line ups are :

Incubus
John Legend
The Roots
Incognito
Search
Gigi
Tompi
Pop Shuvit
Joe Flizzow
Gerhana Ska Cinta
Atilia
Estranged
Hujan
Tempered Metal
Meet Uncle Hussein
Y2K
One Buck Short
Reza Salleh
Love Me Butch
Bittersweet
Najwa

but......

the tickets are RM200

and i was like..

FORGET IT BEBEH!!!

::heartbreaking::

late nites

2008-02-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

i'm craving for....

THIS!!!!!!!!!!

right at this moment, i wanted this sooooo much. urrgghhh, i'm going crazy.. and boleh tak if i crave for this one particular drummer. hehehehe.

while i was watching one buck short on rockhitz this evening, mak suddenly came and sat on the couch to join me layan tv petang2. and she was like, "who's this?". and i said "no one, just some local band" and i change the channel right away b4 she even started to elaborate on every single male creature on the screen. then again, i miss the show.

btw, one buck short's latest album titled 'halal and loving it' is out in stores. go get one and support your local bands. [let's be more productive than cakap tak serupa bikin. at least that's what i intend to do this year.]

and lately, i'm practically obsessed with these things :

1. the drumming brothers especially that particular ONE. *wink*. me and kakngah seems to can't get enuff of them every time we talk. duhhhh. yea, I AM PATHETICALLY GEDIK. still, can't beat kakngah's gedikness when it comes to ainul. haha.

2. an overload dose of youtube viewing everyday. don't have to ask what i'm watching.

3. musical instruments, especially drums. [again, it's obvious]

4. jamming sessions.

5. garrett hedlund.

gosshhhh, gotta get back to reality soon... and a special note to kakngah, the 2105 studio that i mention to you b4 [pop shuvit's], is a recording studio. if u want to record a demo, they have the best equipments for fresh bands. tq.

::life as a rockstar's PA::

if..

2008-02-06T00:17:00.000+08:00

if i could stop time....

i wanna be at this moments and won't move on..

i really hope that WE could be the same, again, and stay that way forever.

::love, hugs n kisses::

random

2008-02-04T16:13:00.000+08:00

big grin

attention to miss FARAH NURADILA. kuikuikuikui.. look what i got for myself. makan hati? huhuhu. though it's not the original one from junk food, people have been asking the moment i wear it. and i can't stop smiling. and i'm looking forward to get another one soon...

and this add up to my funky t-shirts collection.

hihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihihi. can u see how evil i am?

::little miss n mr men::

bands

2008-01-28T11:21:00.000+08:00

i'm in cloud 9!!! and still...

this is fucking crazy ok, estranged was crowned JUARA LAGU ke-22 last nite. an underground rock band wins the heart of the judges??? UNBELIEVABLE!!!! this is gonna bring a whole new meaning to estranged themselves and to the other infamous talented LOCAL bands. SERIOUSLY, it will. we'll see...

as for me, i was screaming, jumping dengan penuh kegedikan when they was annouced as the pop rock category winner, and a little did i expect that they're gonna get the main title as well, and yet, they did!! and i wassss soooooo damn happy!!! yeay!!! u guys did it!!! and i love the new arrangement of the song that they made last nite. it was awesome!

i still remember back then, there's only a few that know the existence of estranged. i get this a lot when i mentioned the band named estranged to m friends and family :

"estranged who?"

"sape?"

"hey, i never heard of them la"

"who the hell is estranged?"

yaa.... now you see where they stand today. who doesn't know the song 'itu kamu'? even toddlers sing along to this song ok. i started to acknowledge about estranged is when i saw andy on 'latte@8'. a jason lo talkshow on 8tv. he was playing the role of 'the drummer boy' on the show. then i found he's in this band and saw their music video called 'velocity'. that's the first song i ever heard from estranged. then come chocolate syrup which i enjoyed most (courtesy of the hilarious video). then rich the vocalist appeared on akademi fantasia season 4. and i was like

"eh, mamat ni bukan dah ada band ke, apsal masuk af lagi?"

and to be honest, i didn't vote for him because i wanted him out of the show a.s.a.p so that he'll go back to his band. hahahahahaha. pathetic me. that's when people start to know estranged, then andy won the hitz.tv vj thingy, then 'itu kamu' was released and tadaaaaa!!!! here they are, the JUARA LAGU of the new era. and till today, i couldn't stop smiling and giggling thinking about what they have achieved.

here's a peek of their performance last nite..

when the drummer bangs his head, they were crowned the champion...

again, CONGRATULATIONS to rich, din, hanafi and azwin andy. keep it up boys!

p/s : you guys look stunning in TOPMAN attire. *wink*

::kau terindah.. masih ada... yang tercantik... itu kamu... lalalala...::

celeb

2008-01-25T09:49:00.000+08:00

in memory of HEATH LEDGER

just a few days ago i blogged about his upcoming blockbuster with him as a villain, and on wednesday, i was shocked by the news that he's no longer breathing. and to add up the shock, they said it was due to drug overdose. come on la, of all people, him?? it's hard to believe though. but what else can i say. he's a legend now. may he rest in peace.

in february, there's a lot of movies line up. so, siap sedia la eh. rase cam tak leh shopping je next month. because there's too much things i can't miss! one thing for sure, i've got to get that sweater! hehehehehehehe.

it's been two days, berturut2, i went to college without my phone. that junk is less than nothing to me nowadays. don't know why, i kept on forgetting where i put it. sorry for the incovenience again. i'm in need of new dvds!! felt like nak pegi ferringhi now nak beli grey's anatomy berlambak.

hahahahaha. i ammmm pathetic.

::di manakah phone ku??::

friends

2008-01-22T10:15:00.000+08:00

enjoying the hangouts

to be honest, i'm enjoying the privilege of being invited to hangouts. it's usually me who have to ask people out, arrange the meet-ups, and make sure everybody comes. and it's so hard to plan anything, so i don't normally go out with the same people regularly.

unlike now, i'm enjoying the company of my fellow semsasians friends and my phone are filled with text messages from them asking me out. to be exact, very frequently and almost every weekend, and with awin, it's once in 3 days. hahahaha. this is what i get a lot :

"babe, what u're up to this weekend?"

"bile nak lepak old town white coffee lagi? kemaruk nasi lemak nih"

"weh, sushi jom"

"jom kuar"

"aku lapar, jom lunch"

"babe, ko kat mane? teman aku jap"

"bukit bintang ahad ni nak?"

"aku gian nak karaoke! ape kate ko join aku"

"aku nk shopping, need u as my advisor"

see.. i'm flattered! like before, i'm the one who needs to beg people to at go out to places. now, these kinds of messages appeared almost everyday. sangat suke ok!! credits to my dear semsasians; awin, eiy, nabil, zizie, miza, ala.

kakngah is coming home from bali today, i just hope she had sooo much fun. and i bet she missed her GOLEO so much. poor goleo, we've talked about bringing him to bali so much but in the end he was left at home. huhuhuhuhu.

i spent last weekend in gombak. it's been forever since i last met kak anna and kak nurul. plus it's kak anna's birthday. happy birthday darling!! may your rezeki bertambah this year. we had our late movie at cineleisure damansara. we watched mad money starring diane keaton, queen latiffah and katie holmes. damn la, till today, everytime i saw the yellow papan tanda in front of any public toilet, i'll be smiling to myself. hahaha. sape yg tgk movie ni je paham k.

and once again, i was frustrated that 27 dresses will not be aired in malaysia yet. it'll only be released on 28th february. WTH, lame gile ok nk tggu. was thinking of nak ajak my dad to watch afdlin shauki's latest movie. because he loves to see that guy so much. plus it's hans isaac's first feature as a director, so, gotta go and show some support la.. plus nak tgk jay chou this chinese new year. tapi tak tau nk ajak sape.

by the end of this month, i'll be half-pekak due to too much jamming sessions that i've been to. tapi takpe, it's fine with me.

and a little notice, my phone is a bit bengong, those text messages sometimes lambat masuk, so if u feel like i'm replying it a little late, i am truly sorry. there's nothing i can do about it.

gotta go grab something to eat, daaa...

::bile la kakngah nak sampai ni::

family

2008-01-17T15:30:00.000+08:00

the darlings goes to bali

kakngah is leaving for BALI tomorrow morning!!!

can u believe it? after months of counting days, now it's just few hours away.

plus kak d will be going too..

and tonite, we'll be enjoying ourselves!

tapi kat studio je la..

hahahahahaha..

jamming session with the not so hot rockstars.

hehehehehehe.

i'm in a crucial situation with some of the gedebe. and i refuse to blog about it because today is the day to have fun and i want to spend it wisely with my darlings before they left tomorrow.

till then, daa...

i gotta get ready..

::it's raining in bali, hahahaha::

movie

2008-01-15T16:21:00.000+08:00

coming soon!!!

hihihihihihi... i'm done grieving when they don't release ps i love you in malaysia. i'm tired of sobbing about it. now i'm looking forward for my most favorite superhero and villain!! yuhuuuu.. but it's still long way to come. this movie will only be released around may or june this year.. but still, i can't wait!!!!

::my sexy superhero without superpowers::

life

2008-01-14T14:16:00.000+08:00

advices on life

when bad things stroked me, people around me said things that i never thought of. but this one thought has been said over and over again to me. when i turned to my superstar best friend about this dilemma i had last 2 weeks, he said something that kakngah once said to me. instead of manjakan me n comforting me, he shoot me with this thought..

"that's the problem in you, when you care about someone, you cared too deep, too much till that person is no longer care to jaga hati you lagi. because you are too nice to them, they don't think twice to say or do things that will hurt you. when you care and love someone, you got too involved in their life. that's why la *** sanggup buat macam tu kat you."

to be real, kakngah once said the same thing to me. damn la! it's not wrong to care, that is how i do it. but it didn't gain me any profit. that's why i stopped caring so much. but still, things happened. i guess i never be lucky in life.

and don't lecture me about friendship people, i've been through more than you think i did.

::what doesn't kill you makes you stronger::

hangout

2008-01-10T01:51:00.000+08:00

quick updates

i haven't got much time to blog recently. sorry to all my loyal readers. thanks for the constantly reminding me to update. hehe. now i've got a little time to spare. this 2008 has been good to me for starters. my friends are getting closer to me. gjol is going to be here for the rest of the year, most of my semsasians friends are here completing their degree in shah alam. and that means, a lot of hangout. like a lott ok. and recently, that's what i'm occupied to.

this is US hanging around like a bunch of crazy people.

something came along during last weekend. and i'm totally bounded by it. it's beyond my expectation. it's crossing the line of friendship. and it made me doubt their faith. and i finally found where i stand in their life. and it upsets me. and i refused to face the outside world for two days. and i'm grieving. and i'm being pathetic. and i'm totally lost.

just to share the fact, knowing someone for 10 years doesn't mean you know them well enough. there's things that people do that will surprise you.doing good deeds doesn't mean they'll return you the same favor. being friends, you'll be blinded by their flaws. as a friend, you choose to ignore their bad qualities and took only the good ones. but in the end, being a nice and good friend never gain you much profit. and be careful, when you deeply care about someone, they tend to hurt you.

that's where i did wrong. when i care about someone, i got too involved. till they never seems to care about how i felt. so what do i do now? i certainly don't have the answers.

thanks to my superstar bestie, though you're million miles away, you'll be there when i need you.

::why, why, why::

event

2007-12-22T01:26:00.000+08:00

salam aidiladha

selamat hari raya aidiladha to all muslims throughout the world. festive seasons means a non-stop eating for me as well as most people. this is the time where you health radar went above the limits as you will unwillingly pumping up your level of cholestrol, carbs, and fats. face it or stay in denial, these are happening. as for me, the eating didn't seems to stop yet when my mak tok said this just now,

"nanti datang la esok ka, lusa ka, mak tok nak buat laksa"

tu diaaaaa.... my eyes were like sparkling shine when i heard that. that is something i couldn't resist. it's pure penang ma.... those you had in kl, were never even close to original. but hers, is full of purity. jemputla makan yek..

i made a lemon cake for raya. *wink* mak said it's good, but it's too sweet for her. that means i got an A for the cake. yeay!!! maybe someday, i'll bake one for my dear friends. take a bite fellas, i'm good in baking. hehehehehe.

i'm looking forward for the upcoming shopping spree with kakngah and ina. yeay! sukenye..

i just watched the re-runs of KAMI just now, and i noticed liyana jasmay put on a "rantai" t-shirt in one of the scene. damn la, should get one for myself the other day. takpe, the next one ok.

i'm super sleepy rite now, so i better go to bed before i even type the word "ABU" here and start rambling about him.

::don't cherish a friend who's not worth it::

events

2007-12-18T19:17:00.000+08:00

rantai : art exhibition and fest

last sunday, i went to the rantai event with kakngah instead of mr snobbish. as usual, he's being a jerk at the last minute. never mind him.

pegi pun dah petang, on the last day pulak tu, banyak booth dah tutup. when we reached there, me and kakngah tried to call ben like a thousand time, but she didn't answer. so when ad got there, we proceed to take a look on what's inside the red bungalow. pergghhh... it was sooooo cool ok..

tapi tak amik bnyak pics pun. plan nak beli t-shirt tapi tak jadi. here are some photos that kakngah managed to take. terasa rugi tak amik gambar patung tgh stim.. hahaha..

paintings in the toilet

one of the art piece

those are paintings tau, then buat lightbox

posing sebentar

lightbox

another art piece

i was invited by kacuk, but didn't get to see him there. hahahahaha.. papela, yang penting pegi ok..

thenon the way back, singgah little black book kt bangsar jap. MABUK!! gile.. takpe, kakngah kate later kite shopping gile2. dah berkenan satu green slip-on nih... memang cute. accessoseries sgt cantik n murah ok.. bukan affordable, MURAH. damn la.... hope nanti ade lagi..

::love of art and photogs::

blog

2007-12-16T15:00:00.000+08:00

hectic weekend

at last tak pegi memane gig pun. sunway lagoon tak jadi coz at last kena pegi umah angah husin untuk doa selamat. so xdapatla tgk dragon red n estranged, after kenduri, kitorg gerak dr cyber, nak pegi jamming. yeay! dah lame woo x ikut diorg jam. syok gile.. tapi abg botak xde. naik nyampah dah dok harap die ade time jam. kul 2pagi baru abes, then lepak mamak jap smpai kul 3. pastu balik terus terlentang. mekap tak cuci, muka xbasuh, terus terlentang tdo.

esok pagi nye, kul 8 dah bangun! terlupa dora nikah kul 10.30. then terus kelam kabut gosok baju, syampu rambut n siap2. tu pun kelam kabut abes, ssampai me n kakngah terlupa bwk shawl, xdapat la masuk masjid. wahahahahaha.. bodoh x? then after nikah, [dgr cite tok kadi melalut gile] terus gerak g dewan kt cyberia. ya ampun, ramai nye sedara! kepenatan seyh.. bukan penat ape, penat explain kenapa ayah xdtg. hahahaha. tu la kejenye tiap2 kali jadi wakil ayah g wedding.

pastu terus gerak pegi setapak pulak, wedding kak sarah. pun family gak. mmg havoc gile. dalam keta dok tahan ngantuk, xmau tdo. kononnye lepas balik nk g beli barang sket, tapi singgah tgk chik dulu kt dutamas, then br balik. smpai umah dah kul 7 terus terlentang atas couch. mmg tido tahap tak sedar ape me n kakngah. bangun pun sebab my best fren si alip call from new zealand. mamai2 pun jawab jugak. skali tgk jam dah kul 9.30pm.. gilo la wei.. terus gerak g drive thru, lapar...

today kakngah konvo, hehehehehe. ni baru balik. tetibe die ajak g event kt klcc tu.. wuhuuuuuu... gue mau siap... daaa... later!

::hectic vs havoc::

events

2007-12-13T01:00:00.000+08:00

random thoughts

hahahahaha.. i've been dying t0 change my blogskin. too bored with the old one. need some sort of refreshment. and i finally found one. after months of searching for the right one. despite the pink, i love it. and got to change my chatbox layout too, to fit the new skin. hahahaha. cool x?

this weekend, got a few weddings which i can't escape and two events i'm dying to go. seriously, i need to fix my schedule. haha.

and i'm hoping mr snobbish didn't change his mind of going to the red bungalow event. if he's not going, them i'm definitely not going too. but there's a lot to be missed though. then the battle of the bands finale at sunway lagoon this friday, which i'm dying to go!!! gile, dah la ade estranged, DRAGON RED lagi! which i'm looking forward to. nad i've missed deja voodo spells at the last flyparty, and i was hoping i could catch them this time. hahahaha. can't wait! plus, my ainul-mania cousin will definitely melompat kegedikan nanti, so i can't missed that!

tak jadi nak tgk i am legend this week sebab takut budget lari. hahahahaha... takpe, tu leh tunggu. i cleaned the fridge today. throw away the leftovers yg dah xbleh makan and there's a lot of it. [if you lived in this house, it's an ordinary phenomenal]. and it's sangat memenatkan. but, there's no excuse though.

lately ni selalu sangat panas hati.. ade je mende yang nak jadi isu. and i can't seems to figure out why. dah 2 nites berturut2 lepak pak li kopitiam till midnite, 2 nites berturut2 jugak la tak jumpa kakngah. gosh, rase pelik ok. time die overnite rumah errna seminggu tu pun rase semacam je. hahahaha. nasib baik tonite tak kuar, if tak, cukup 3 hari tak jumpa.

wahai cik farie yang mengade-ngade, sila confirmkan bile nak datang eh. takut nanti me, kak sam n ABANG IM xde plak kt kl. *wink*

::dj nas-t!!!::

shopping

2007-12-10T15:30:00.000+08:00

good bargain vs quality

yesterday curi-curi jumpe eiy after the wedding rounds. serious shit, i'm tired with the weddings and there's more to come this weekend. duhhh!! believe it or not, i went out to the mall in my baju kurung. hahahaha. to those who know me well, tau sgt baju kurung is not my first preference. but i'm too malas to balik n change so i went ahead with that wedding outfit. hahahaha, pegi shopping pkai baju kurung. even eiy was suprised. i'm supposed to meet nabilah but she's up to something at the last minute. spent time with eiy, makan2, then shop, shop, shop..

found this cute leopard pumps with purple interior at a very good bargain. 10 bucks for the last pair. unfortunately, when i asked for the other pair, it seems like it was a bit torn. the color looked different from the one on the display shelf. shit! bukan ape, if you wear it, people will definitely say you are wearing 'kasut lain sebelah'. so, i leave it. but i felt soooo rugi. it was 10 bucks ok. and that kedai bukan bodo2 pnye kedai tau. when to other stores and i finally lay my eyes on a nice pair of peep toes. comel! and it's green. huhuhuhuhu... xleh nk post pic sbb i don't have the digicam with me. but, sgt cute ok.

was thinking to shop for some tops also but i don't have the time. hihihihi. maybe later.

by the way, alip, 'hero remaja'? euwwww..... menyampah nye. pleasseeee la... superstar might be a little appropriate. hero remaja sounds soooo cheesy ok. don't be so drama la.. and keep posting your updates k. because i'm kinda feel i lost track of you.

it's been raining continuously in shah alam. dah terasa cam kat dublin plak. hujan je memanjang. stress pun ade. susah betul nak basuh baju.

::shopaholic gene::

weather

2007-12-04T16:15:00.000+08:00

it's freakin' hot that i felt like my hair was burning into ashes

it was sooooooo hot outside and it's giving me headache. damn! sgt panas ok.. my hair macam dah bau hangit. duhhh. baru je shampoo. i decide to walk today despite the striking sun. because i need to burn some calories as i ate a lot during lunch. huhuhuhu. too bad. the heat was too much and i'm practically running into the house to get away from it. plus the air-cond in the room is not functioning. so, here i am, in front of the pc, where i can feel the breeze of the upstairs' hall air-cond. blogging in my spagheti strap n red boxer. and my head felt heavy. maybe it's because the heat and the lack of sleep from last nite. and damn you mr snobbish, you made me stayed awake till 3 in the morning. in the end, you are the one who's waking up at 2pm! serves you right!

haven't spoken to her yet, due to the sakit ati-ness from last 2 days. i'm totally bengang. and much more hurt than pissed off. i'm trying here, to not hurt your feelings, but it seems like you don't care much to hurt mine. REPEATEDLY! i kept saying to myself to let you do whatever hell you want to, but the inner me don't go with what i said as what yo did or what you said seems to bother me a lot. i'm crashing down, and i'm trying to rise again now, when you come and crushed me into pieces again. just don't blame howw i would treat you in the future as you are the one that created this hatred. thank you very much.

aida-belle, wake up, talk to her, and if she's not worth it, let her go. let her be what she wants to. things will never be the same. start all over again. let's hope there's a guide for us in the future.<

::why care if they don't?::

vacation

2007-12-03T17:00:00.000+08:00

vacation part 3 : eye of malaysia, kl

finally, i managed to upload the last part of my vacation. sgt seronok ok. bangun awal sbb nak gerak pi kl cpat. cepat la sangat kononnye. pi antaq kucing je dah bape lame. then headed straight to kl, lapaq xkira. breakfast dlm keta. sgt yummy.

ni time baru naik keta, perut belum kenyang n mata belum berat

then berenti makan kat tapah, as i said before, keja aku sepanjang vacation ni, makan jek. ni mummy masak, lagi la aku xbleh tahan. tgh lapaq lak tu. lahap xkira la sume org.

lain kali cameragirl tlg berdiri eh amik gambaq, teruk sgt nih.

DIVALICIOUS : mama, mummy, me

adik dok pose mami jarum junior. rantai stereo n bangles tu beli kt forever 21 ari tu.

pastu tdoq sampai kl. mane taknye, kenyang gile. then smpai shah alam, dh tggu abg izan n abg farid, gerak pi hotel. rest2 kejap, then ingat nk antaq aku balik, alih2 ngan aku skali pi jalan kl.

ngan graduan uitm kt hotel.

sampai la kt eye of malaysia. b4 tu ntah bape kali abah n abg farid dok ugut nk drop aku kt "jalan temerloh" kat situ. ade ke patut. gelabah la jugak aku. catt n adik tak abis2 dok gelak. dah sampai situ ape lg, wat macm kawasan sendiri la kitorg. sesuke ati jek..

dalam pic ni sume family, takde outsider.

mummy ckp kami posing macam nk terbang. hehe..

satu2nye gambar yg amik dr angle bawah yg aku suke. tu pn setelah puas menyorokkan double chin ku.

berbackgroundkan istana budaya n lake garden

yg ni kalau tak mencelah tak sah. abg izan the popper. ntah muncul dr mane

tiket! tiket! tiket!

3 org manusia jakun. pic di kandid oleh adik. nsb baik time ni tgh tutup perut.

dah naik tu, pnye la syok mende tu pusing smpai 4 kali sbb we were told yg cable akan pusing 3 kali je. syok la dok amik gambaq. even tho ujan, ok jek pn view nye..

dalam cable, time tgh kt peak and it stopped. cuak gak, tp xleh tunjuk, malu kt org.

setelah ditapis, ni la pose abg farid yg plg senonoh. kalau tak, hampeh.

sesungguhnye kakiku nampah slim dlm gambaq ni, which i like! hehehehehe

dah puas amik gambaq, kitorg brangkat pi makan satay kajang hj samuri. patut letak gambaq champion makan satay tu tapi kena rate la, sbb sungguh kurg sopan. tapi org kecik perut naga!

lighting n wall die cantik sgt, kitorg xleh tahan nk amik gambaq. lokasi dirahsiakan.

pastu pi singgah umah cousin mummy plak. walaupun time tu tgh kenyang tahap super n penat yg x terkira, ape org tu serve aku tgh sume bedal semacam jek. kenyang la konon.

ayong, me n catt. ni lepas kasi licin sume pinggan n cawan yg ade.

penat tggu mak2 abes sembang.

penat la sgt kononnye. pastu dh balik, smpai hotel, pegi uptown pulak. penat jadah ape pn aku xtau. i bought a pink baby tee with wording. it says "diets start tomorrow". and fyi, i'm totally obsessed with this t-shirt as it cheap, comfortable n looks good on me. despite the pink la kan. this week alone, i wear it 4 times. pendek kata, asal basuh, kering, pkai balik. gile kan? sgt best la.. suke sgt2. beli ngan catt, ntah die pkai ke blum. catt pnye wording sgt best woo... tp xingat la full nye ape. then at last, aku end up tdo kt hotel gak ngan diorg n pagi2 br berangkat balik.

end of vacation. n i've got to enjoy the calmness i got only for a week before she's finally getting on my nerves again! tak nak cite pasal tu, later. nak pegi basuh baju pink.

::standing in the eye of a tiger::

vacation

2007-11-30T15:37:00.000+08:00

vacation part 2 : kellie's castle, ipoh

at last my dream came true untuk jejak kaki kat castle yg penuh fantasy nih.. sangat happy and thanks a lot to catt. huhuhu..

catt tunjuk aksi stunt

the dapur at the kellie's house

downstairs' hallway

window downstairs yg xsiap

standing at the hallway

tak ingat pulak tiang ni dibuat dr ape

ni diorg pnye bedpost wall. means letak katil kt bawah arch tu

suke gile senibina window pane die

the creepy upstairs' hallway

tennis court+party area
the party area

me and catt snapping the pic of us

view from the balcony. that is batu gajah road

the right tower

sgt suke scenery ni...

view of the kellie's house

what a view! this area is reportedly to be used as a tennis court and party area

tempat ni sgt la ketar lutut nye nak naik.. tapi naik gak..

near the elevator shaft

the original kellie's house where they stayed while the castle is build.

the architecture of the castle is remarkable. this is the downstair's hallway

the guardhouse. next to it is where they kept the horse.

i look sooo tiny!!

view from the left hillside

full view of the castle from the bridge. sungai yg mengalir dpn castle tu is sg.kinta

belanja budak ni makan sempena belated birthday die

budak ni agaknye xsenang hati mengingatkan aku dan catt bersuka ria sdgkan die kena keje. kuikuikui..

::end of part 2::

vacation

2007-11-29T14:13:00.000+08:00

vacation part 1 : birthday adik wani, penang

there's so many photos to show u people and i want to upload it all, so i divided it into 3 parts. here's part 1 and 2. part 3 has yet to come. might be a lil late. hehehe.. i'm showing you the pics only, the story will be rambled later as my schedule is so tight these days. sorry for the inconvenience.

mangsa kebakaran kat telok tempoyak, penang. yummy!!

sedap gile! sepanjang vacation ni, keje aku makan je...

dua chaperon of the day berbaju oren menemani birthday princess shopping.

forever 21 queensbay mall penang. wish 2 be 21 forever!

frust xdpt tgk enchanted, amik gmbar kt cermin pn jd la, lokasi xleh bgtau!

the birthday girl makan tako

org tamak membeli sushi.

sempat singgah jumpe nurse otai kt ipoh jap.. huhuhu..

::end of part 1::

step

2007-11-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

it took a lot of courage

the phrase 'letting go' brings a different meaning to different people. some say you let things go when you forgive the people who hurt you, some say it's when you forget things that happened in the past, some say it's when you move on to a better life and etc.

i know the step i took yesterday was not approved by most of my friends and loved ones. but i realized that i need to do that sooner or later. and i have to admit, it took me a while thinking about what i did. and i'm glad i finally force myself out to deal with it. it's been such a relieved to finally let it go. it took me 1 year n 3 months to see him again and forget things that had happened. to be frank, i will never forget, but i choose not to think about it anymore and make it a big deal in my life. in other words, i finally let it go. i manage to stay calm and act like a friend, being nice and yes, we had our silent moments when we don't have much to say. but i do know that this will never bother me again as i clear things up with him and we're in good terms.

noted : i took that long to let things that happened between me and someone i know for 3 months. it will take more months than that to finally heal my recent wound. do the math people.

don't ask for forgiveness when you're not ready to let go, don't say that you have forgiven when you still feel the same of the same issue. don't say you have forget when you keep bringing it up everytime a similar issue arise. don't do anything if you're not ready. things need to be let go when you are truly ready. let it take as much time as it need because people say that time heals eveything.

aida-belle, i really need to tell you that i understand the way you feel. i know how it felt to see that she had a new partner in crime, to see that they share everything that she used to share with you, to realized that you're no longer that someone she turned to, to see that she addressed someone else the way she addressed you before, it's like she took the crown away from your head and kick you into the ordinary group of people, like you're no longer mattered much in her life, it's like there's someone else walking around in her world wearing your title and all your belongings. and how annoying is that huh? i know how much it's killing you to view her friendster, her blog, her IM to see that her shoutouts, tetimonials, posts and status are about things that you don't know about, things that she didn't tell you and things that keep you questioning. and it makes your heart crushes into pieces! trust me, i've been through all that and i'm not recovered yet. it's not easy. it becomes a lot more difficult to deal with when you know that all of this happened because of a tiny mistake. so all i can say to you is, hang in there. fake the truth. be blind of what you see. it hurts, and it hurts even more when she don't feel the same way you did.

::wish i find a way to escape::

love

2007-11-18T01:40:00.000+08:00

i want to....

i want to look at you in the eye

i want to dance with you on the beach

i want to walk with you in the rain

i want to sit on the roof and count the stars with you

i want to listen to you even when you're rambling

i want to lay my head on your shoulder while we're watching movies

i want to spend hours with you on the phone

i want to have ice cream and sit next to you by the lake

i want to sing out loud and off-key with you

I WANT YOU TO SEE ME..

::will you?::

schedule

2007-11-17T17:42:00.000+08:00

the to-do, to-get and to-be-at

events :

1) ipoh-taiping-bukit larut-penang trip from 21st nov to 24 nov
2) cousin's reception on sunday 25th
3) niece's cukur jambul on sunday 25th morning

to-do-things :

1) refresh my hair color which has became ridiculously bertompok now.
2) lunch/dinner with mr egoistic

stuffs to-get

1) new black eyeliner, [i'm sick of the brown one]
2) new mascara [the one i have at the moment dah kering kontang]
3) sondtrack KAMI!!! [ade org nk belikan x? *wink*]
4) death sentence dvd
5) a flat silver sequined pumps [dah usha since b4 raya]
6) 2008 organizer

::in need of a lot of cash::

life

2007-11-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

it started a while ago..

farie said i've changed. she said i'm lack of concern. the hell i am! i'm lack of concern, i've stopped caring, and i'm practically being selfish. why? because i'm tired of being what i used to be. being caring, concern and loving don't get your friends to stay. they went away eventually. one way or another. what's the point of doing all this craps when all of you took it for granted? seriously, tell me.. there's one point someone told me i've gotta stop thinking about everybody else and focus on myself more. did that person who told me this come to realize that when i actually do it people will start questioning me? that's what i get now, people questioning my behavior. and to tell you the truth, i'm tired of explaining. and please remember, it's these people who told me to do so. and these people made me do so. so, why question? isn't that what you want?

i used to try so hard to keep in touch with my TESL friends even most of them don't even care what had happened to me. i face my fear, i put aside the lack of self esteem to confront them and be with them and share their experience which i don't have the opportunity to go through. but i finally stopped trying when they don't want to see me. some of them did and we had a good time. for those who don't, i tried so hard to keep up but you guys kept turning me down. and i'm too tired of trying. things would be easier if they just said no everytime i asked them to lepak, lunch or etc. why waited till i was there, waiting, then let me down. over and over again. i keep telling myself that i've done my part, no one could blame me on this.

i used to dedicate all my heart to gedebe. used to feel the joy and fun everytime we gather for meet ups. used to plan everything about us from A to Z. used to remind each one of us about every birthdays, every tv series, every interesting daily events and etc. used to plan for big events six months ahead. but nowadays, i lost my passion of doing all that. i'm not that eager to plan anything. i've lost the sparks. i've lost myself, and i lost them. it's never easy doing anything with these 7 people that i love so much, but i survived because i never mind the pain and tiredness of doing it because my love for them overcome all that. but today,i've decided that i've had enough. let me the laid back one and they be me.

giving up is not my nature. but i'm done going good deeds.

::people fade away::

friends

2007-11-07T00:52:00.000+08:00

feelings

there was a point when i don't even know what upsets me more, failed to be a good listener or people stopped turning to me when they need one. i'm always a good listener, so i never get the point why people stopped sharing with me. it's been my nature to be a people person. i tend to get involved too much in life. in people's lives. in my friends' lives. that's just who i am. maybe that's why i'm their friend. so, why stopped now? why suddenly stopped? i never stopped listening, it's you who stopped sharing. it's you who's forgetting how things were before.

yes, once i loved someone, i loved them wholeheartedly. as a friend, a brother, a sister, or etc. i'll go all out to spread my love to them. but, too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing. when those people hurt you, you might have forgive them eventually, but you never let go. the wounds will heal. but it left a scar. a scar that will stay forever. a scar that you will feel everyday and remind you of what had happened. so, even you tried so hard to convince yourself that you forgave them long ago, you still failed to let go of what had happened and pretend that things are all right. people say time will heal. but it's never as easy as that. i quote one of my favorite character on tv :

"kau tak boleh paksa, sorang tak nak cakap, sorang tak nak dengar, susah nak paksa bab2 perasaan ni"

in my case, it's the 'tak nak cakap' that matters because there's no 'tak nak dengar' problem. and to tell you the truth, i have neither a single idea nor an effort to solve this. this thing have grown far beyond control. it destroys! trust me, it took a blink to ruin a lifetime friendship/relationship. and you'll never get over it.

::where's the love::

life

2007-11-06T01:30:00.000+08:00

regrets, guilt and happiness

"regret comes in all shapes and sizes. some are small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason. some are bigger like when you let down a friend"

when he called and ask my whereabout, i take it as a typical him, the-do-watever-he-wants him. but, when he called again tonight, he sounds so desperate. no one left to entertain you huh? he even beg me to take a bus right at that moment and come back so i'll be in town tomorrow and keep him company. and when i told him i'll be there this saturday, he said "i'll be all dried up to even wait till friday". what is wrong with this guy??? one moment he's nowhere to be found, and all of sudden he wants me on his side. and me, the pathetic me, have been followed his orders all this years and seems to keep following for a lot longer. *sigh*. why couldn't i just say no? he yelled at me, mocked me, exposed his hatred to me so much that i almost cried every single day. he never been sweet, he never act sweet. well, once at least. and that is so never going to happen again. but when all my classmates left and forget about me, he stayed. till today, i wondered why.

i'm no good at letting people down, especially people i care about, people i like. some might don't give a damn when they said 'no' to people, but i do. yet, i shouldn't care so much of saying no to this particular guy because i don't care much about him and he didn't care about me at all. i'm not falling for him, i'm just a good company of him. i'm someone that will be there whenever he calls up. i'm someone that can stand to hear the same story from him over and over again while he never listened to a word i said. i'm someone that can stand his ego despite that makes me loathe him so much. yet, i just can't find the reason why i couldn't let go of the guilt of turning him down this time. my chest felt heavy and i can't think straight and i'm trying very hard to convince myself that i DON"T have to come back tomorrow just because he said so. shit! quick note, i'm not in denial and i do not know why i need to blog about him, mr keras-kepala-tahap-dewa-and-sangat-suke-memerintah.

by the way, my best friend called from new zealand. that evening i left my phone in the room to play with the kittens only to realize i missed the call(s) when my sis brought my phone outside and told me "it keeps ringing but there's no number on the screen". and my eyes almost popped out when i knew where the calls came from. haha, sorry buddy, the kittens are too adorable. there are numerous of missed calls and a text message from him. well, being him, when i don't pick up his calls, he gets worried as i was being abducted. he's so like a 'pakcik'. and i am so like his unofficial PR person. i'll be his spokeperson for every little thin from his love life, basketball thing and whether he's coming home this year. it's like people see his name written on my forehead. but i never seem to mind doing all that. so, pumpkin, if u're becoming a diplomat or whatsoever in the future, please keep the PR person post available for me k. *wink*

seriously, all this open houses and 'jamuan kelas' need to stop soon enough. no matter how hard i forced myself not to accompany mak or ayah to any of their invitations, the food never failed to find me. they ended up on my dining table eventually. so, stoopppp inviting us! i cut my nasi meals but there's no point of doing that if i keep swallowing those food from all sorts of jamuan, party, bbq and etc.. the torture i felt from eating too much during the 1st week of raya is still haunting me. and i can't seems to get over it yet.

to all my darlings and friends, i'm still out of town till this saturday. be patience and wait if u need my service. i'll be back to 24hrs full service next week. thank you very much.

::the guilt still lingers::

tag

2007-10-31T01:19:00.000+08:00

i've been tagged!

i've been tagged by my darling sis anna, sorry it took a while to entertain this. at least ade.. hehe

5 things found in my bag :

house keys
my green mp3 player [courtesy of catt]
my worn out phone
my green dorothy perkins purse
my oversized sunglass

5 things found in my purse :

my ID
pictures of mak, ayah n lil sis
receipts of recent purchases
movie tickets
segala jenis macam kad [ATM, sportsplanet, MPH, bonuslink]

5 fav things in my room :

my board which consists of multiple photos, lyrics, sketches and etc..
my books collection
my bed of course
my digimon miniatures collection
my 10-year old clock radio [ my 11th bday present from ayah ]

5 things i've always wanted to do :

own a pair of jimmy choo's
shop wisely which obviously never happens
date a celebrity
meet awal ashaari!
backpacking

5 things i'm currently into :

facebook
garrett hedlund
dj nas-t
KAMI the series
chatting with him

5 people i'm going to tag :

catt meow
farah sherrina
farah nur adila
aida najihah
elee syairah

::tagging::